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Some of you joined Twitter for one reason. Celebrities. You need access to their minds.  Their non-refundable nuggets of wisdom. You’ve joined Twitter for this: The biggest thrill is when a celebrity follows you.  You’ve been chosen. And you can totally throw it in the faces of others. Alyssa...

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It’s easy to be an egotistical maniac in social media. Within this safe cocoon, you’re liked.  Appreciated.  Respected. Outside it, you’re an alarming shithead. I, on the other hand, have found away to be the latter in both. You had to look up what “latter” meant, didn’t...

1. Leave A Passive-Aggressive Comment On Her Relationship Status When She Announces She’s Single. Finally!  After years of dating a guy you know you’re better than, she’s broken it off. Now it’s time to strike. DON’T: Tell her you totally want to do her and you’ve...

1. You tell your friends you’re going to be an Internet Celebrity. 2. You start a blog, and in the About Me section, you use a picture of yourself in front of a mirror where you can still see the camera. 3. You start a twitter account, and for the profile picture, you use a picture of yourself...

There’s a pain you feel when someone unfollows you on Twitter. Like a breaking up pain. A quiet dumping. Ha! Quiet dumping. We all feel it.  It’s like that song Everybody Hurts by REM. Play that in your mind while you read this. If you’ve just been unfollowed by someone and you’re...

When I was a kid, my mom told me not to talk to strangers. Even if they offered me candy. Strangers might offer you chocolate my mom would say.  Just to get you to go with them. I was a fat kid.  I would totally go with them. Then they’ll kill you. And there’s the rub. We were paranoid...

I’m not smooth in real life. I know. Shocking. I’ve been called “socially awkward”, “a little weird”, “creepy and gross.” Mostly the last thing. Which is why I’ve retreated to the darkness of my parents basement to write articles on Twitter. Due...

Nothing could be more hilarious. Nobody wants to believe that they’re part of a fad. It’s this weird thing about us. Humans. We feel like if we’re part of something that was wildly popular for a fleeting moment, we just got suckered. Cuckolded. And I’ll be damned if I get cuckolded again. But...