10 Rules Real Men Never Break.

10 Rules Real Men Never Break.
If anyone can teach you how to be a real man, it’s me. I come from a long line of real men.  My dad once beat up Santa Claus because he was breaking into our house. That’s what I was told on a toyless Christmas morning. If you want to be a real man, don’t break these ten rules. 1....

30 Answers To Personal and Hurtful Questions About Me.

30 Answers To Personal and Hurtful Questions About Me.
This is me cry-dancing to Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. Last week, I asked readers for questions.  Anything they wanted to know about me. In one day, I received 125. Most of them were just you suck, lard ass. Or go back to Canada. But here are the rest. I’ll keep adding as I get more questions....

The 7 Things You’re Not Allowed To Say About Someone’s Appearance.

The 7 Things You’re Not Allowed To Say About Someone’s Appearance.
This will make sense later. The following post may offend you. You might own some of the afflictions I list, and cry all over yourself after reading this. Then you’ll flee my website to take shelter in the nourishing bosom of a lolcat. Devastating. But I have to write this, regardless of who I...

The 5 Creepiest Oscar Moments: A Cringe-Inducing Recap Of Last Night.

The 5 Creepiest Oscar Moments: A Cringe-Inducing Recap Of Last Night.
Oscar night for me is like Superbowl night for real men. Or for women who are more manly than I. Of which there are a lot of. Hilarious. If you didn’t watch the Oscars last night, I will briefly summarize the experience for you by compiling five of the creepiest moments. 1. Mo’nique Over-Thanking...

How Kevin Smith Just Won One For The Fatties.

How Kevin Smith Just Won One For The Fatties.
Actor-director-screenwriter-fat person Kevin Smith was recently asked to de-plane a Southwest flight recently because he was deemed “too fat” to fly. Outrageous. When I read this news, I was coincidentally feeding myself.  I looked up from my third hot pocket and yelled outrageous with...

15 Hurtful Hate Comments I’ve Received On My Blog.

15 Hurtful Hate Comments I’ve Received On My Blog.
Me being shattered by those I least suspect to hurt me, anonymous people on the Internet. As many of you know, I’m emotionally fragile. I cry-dance to Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in my parents’ basement. That’s my Saturday. That. And nothing unravels me more than the hurtful comments...

5 Reasons Why Conan Should Be Happy About All Of This.

5 Reasons Why Conan Should Be Happy About All Of This.
Don't worry buddy. I get fired all the time! I’ve read the People Of Earth letter. I’ve surveyed the damage. I’ve monitored Conan’s progress on the Tonight Show.  Watched Leno at 10pm.  DVR Letterman. I’m as close to a late-night expert as you’ll ever meet. Which,...

The 5 Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone.

The 5 Worst Ways To Break Up With Someone.
Sometimes women who look like this have to dump me just so I don't try dating them in-my-mind. I’m a hapless romantic. I am completely without hap. Although, strangely, I make haphazard decisions. So there’s a lot of hap there. Oh dear. I’ve gone and confused myself. I’m so...

Nerdy Outrage! 13 Tweeters React To Their New Bird Avatar.

Nerdy Outrage! 13 Tweeters React To Their New Bird Avatar.
On Twitter, there’s one thing you don’t mess with. Someone’s avatar. Twitter did exactly that last night when it was tweaking something and instead, lost thousands of people’s avatars.  Twitter replaced them with a little bird. You would think this wouldn’t be that big...

The Worst Beatles Rock Band Review You’ll Ever Read.

The Worst Beatles Rock Band Review You’ll Ever Read.
Beatles Rockband is out! I want to be anyone but Ringo. I'll even take Pete Best. Since nobody takes Tremendous News seriously, I never get sent anything to review. I sit here, in my parents basement, looking through the mail. Hoping. Wishing. Waiting. Nothing. Just “jury duty summons”, “collection...

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