9 Signs You’re Talking To A New Yorker.

9 Signs You’re Talking To A New Yorker.
I traveled to New York City recently. I was greeted with vitriolic anger and extreme doucheyness. God I love New York. I stood at the exact spot Kevin reunited with his parents in Home Alone 2 and fought back tears.  I fed pigeons in Central Park whom I later yelled at.  I tinkled in a taxi to maintain...

5 Terms In English Slang Everyone Should Know.

5 Terms In English Slang Everyone Should Know.
Of all the fallen empires, I like England the most. Athens, Rome?  Kind of hot. Mongolia? Please. It’s England.  I holidayed there a few years ago.  Alone, of course. I wandered the streets of London, from pub to pub.  Eating jacket potatoes and taking in the culture. Trying to totally do...

My Story About Tongue Rings.

To begin, a proclamation. I snuck liquids onto a plane. Our story opens at an airport, where a mildly obese man you may know was caught in violation of the no-liquid-policy at the security counter. In front of me stood a chubby security officer wearing wide-brimmed glasses. He had just retrieved three...

My Birthing-Day Anniversary Celebration.

Many articles on Tremendous News are riddled with inaccuracies. I don’t really think we should narrow the doorways to McDonalds so the devastatingly obese cannot feed themselves. I don’t really think the entire newspaper industry can be equated to manatees. But huge bumblebee sunglasses on...

The 5 Dating Commandments For Women.

The 5 Dating Commandments For Women.
This is like emotional porn. A time ago, I piloted through ten dating tips for men. This went exceptionally well.  Gentlemen from around the planet sent electronic mailings thanking me for my insight. I’m so brilliant. Ladies, here are your tips.  Heed my advice and maybe you’ll score. And...

I Got Tea Bagged.

I Got Tea Bagged.
This individual appears to excel at XBOX and being a big stupid smelly face head pants. I want to beat up an 11 year old boy named TheChosenOne. I don’t know much about him. I know he lives in Michigan, probably in a really nice house. I’m guessing he goes to school every day and annoys...

The Case Against Cyclist Commuters.

The Case Against Cyclist Commuters.
You know and I know its just an email from a Nigerian Banker. The city of Toronto is planning on spending $70 million to improve infrastructure for cyclist commuters. Oh dear God.  I can feel this being a post where you rant about stuff like you’re a 70 year-old man. Cyclist commuters make up...

Just To Clarify: I’m Male.

I'm like a super huge fan of this. It appears some of you think I’m female. I’m not sure why. My posts have distinct manly undertones.  I cleverly craft items heavy in testosterone.  I limit my “totally”s to just a few.  But still. You think I own ovaries. A fantastical...

The Solution: How Lessons From The Bare-Assed Monkey Can Help Us End Obesity.

The Solution: How Lessons From The Bare-Assed Monkey Can Help Us End Obesity.
Tremendous! Recently, I screened the nerdy dvd series, Planet Earth. In it, I learned about the bare-assed monkey, my new favorite animal. Even when the bare-assed monkey performs fantastical feats like saving its young from falling trees, or fending off predators with only its tail, one cannot help...