Dear Women: Don’t Believe In ‘Artifical Sperm’, From Every Guy On The Planet.

Dear Women: Don’t Believe In ‘Artifical Sperm’, From Every Guy On The Planet.
This article is only for women. Don’t worry guys. I totally got this. Women, hi. I interact with many of you on a daily basis.  One of you is my mother.  Several of you I’ve had friendships with.  Hundreds of you have rejected my creepy advances. I guess you can call me a lady’s...

5 News Outlets That Do Social Media Well And 1 That Doesn’t.

5 News Outlets That Do Social Media Well And 1 That Doesn’t.
If you looked at this image and focused on the 3 and a 1/2 inch disks, you’re a complete nerd. Don’t worry. I did too. The news is changing. The way we receive it. Digest it. Process it. All different. A massive army of Internet nerds have demanded that the news be delivered to...

How 2 Murdered Little People Affect Your Lives Personally.

How 2 Murdered Little People Affect Your Lives Personally.
  Goodbye, tiny heroes. You’re here and you’re already offended. How dare you exploit little people, Tremendous News.  How dare you.  I have higher expectations for you. Really?  Because you should lower them. Lower them until they’re barely expectations. Even then, I’ll disappoint...

The Most Important Tip For A Canadian Living In The U.S.

The Most Important Tip For A Canadian Living In The U.S.
I’ve lived in both Canada and the US. In Canada, whole milk is called homo milk. I swear.  Fact. Canadians call it Homo Milk. In America, whole milk is called whole milk. Picture me now walking into a Target store in Mountain View, California. Asking the male associate if they had homo milk. Homo. Milk. There’s...

My Story About Tongue Rings.

To begin, a proclamation. I snuck liquids onto a plane. Our story opens at an airport, where a mildly obese man you may know was caught in violation of the no-liquid-policy at the security counter. In front of me stood a chubby security officer wearing wide-brimmed glasses. He had just retrieved three...

My Birthing-Day Anniversary Celebration.

Many articles on Tremendous News are riddled with inaccuracies. I don’t really think we should narrow the doorways to McDonalds so the devastatingly obese cannot feed themselves. I don’t really think the entire newspaper industry can be equated to manatees. But huge bumblebee sunglasses on...

The 5 Dating Commandments For Women.

The 5 Dating Commandments For Women.
This is like emotional porn. A time ago, I piloted through ten dating tips for men. This went exceptionally well.  Gentlemen from around the planet sent electronic mailings thanking me for my insight. I’m so brilliant. Ladies, here are your tips.  Heed my advice and maybe you’ll score. And...

I Got Tea Bagged.

I Got Tea Bagged.
This individual appears to excel at XBOX and being a big stupid smelly face head pants. I want to beat up an 11 year old boy named TheChosenOne. I don’t know much about him. I know he lives in Michigan, probably in a really nice house. I’m guessing he goes to school every day and annoys...

The Case Against Cyclist Commuters.

The Case Against Cyclist Commuters.
You know and I know its just an email from a Nigerian Banker. The city of Toronto is planning on spending $70 million to improve infrastructure for cyclist commuters. Oh dear God.  I can feel this being a post where you rant about stuff like you’re a 70 year-old man. Cyclist commuters make up...

Just To Clarify: I’m Male.

I'm like a super huge fan of this. It appears some of you think I’m female. I’m not sure why. My posts have distinct manly undertones.  I cleverly craft items heavy in testosterone.  I limit my “totally”s to just a few.  But still. You think I own ovaries. A fantastical...

« Previous Entries Next Entries »