The 5 Worst Marriage Proposals Ever.

The 5 Worst Marriage Proposals Ever.
Look, if dudes have to sit through an entire article on marriage proposals, the least I can do is offer them this. I’m not close to getting married. Shocked? Pretend you’re shocked. I am fascinated by the way people propose. If it were me, I’d propose in an intimate setting.  Maybe...

Google v. Bing: Which Helps You Stalk Better?

Google v. Bing: Which Helps You Stalk Better?
Seth MacFarlane will probably not look like this after reading this post. I want to preface this article with this: Stalking is bad.  I don’t stalk.  I mean, OK.  Just ex-gfs and this one dude from high school that made me push a penny with my nose while crying.  Thanks Damien.  Because *that*...

7 Examples of Tree Porn.

7 Examples of Tree Porn.
I consider myself to be a writer. I deftly craft articles my readers enjoy.  I pilot, through prose, literary adventure. Also? I like bum trees. Trees that look like bums. So I have arrived at a vexxing decision. Do I stay true to my moral compass, and not post pictures of bum trees? Or do I do what...

Will Red Heads Cease To Exist In 100 Years?

Will Red Heads Cease To Exist In 100 Years?
I barely cover news stories anymore. I mostly write about my moobs and devastating obesity. My hilarious poverty. Vulvas. The good shit. But today, I was alerted by a creepy reader about an article asserting that people with red hair will cease to exist. In non-nerdy terms, it says that the gene that...

5 Reasons To Never Join Twitter.

5 Reasons To Never Join Twitter.
How many guys before getting here liked butterflies? How many guys like them now? Call me the butterfly evangelist. Let’s pilot through my e-mail. Stop boring us with Twitter articles. Your Twitter posts aren’t edgy. Why don’t you just call yourself Twittermendous News? Whore-face. And...

7 Ways To Be As Popular As Porn: Part 3.1459

7 Ways To Be As Popular As Porn: Part 3.1459
It's a tree, you sicko. A tree. This is a continuation of a blogging series not unlike the Lord of the Rings saga. Only better. Well, worse. But in my head, better. You can read parts 1 and 2 here and here. Let’s pick up where we left off. Let’s make you as popular as porn. 4. Be Different. Look...

How I Cured Baldness In 4 Simple Steps.

How I Cured Baldness In 4 Simple Steps.
I’m revealing a devastating new detail. My head-hairs may or may not be receding. Mostly ‘may’. Forget the ‘may not’. I first noticed this two years ago at the supple age of twenty-seven.  I immediately took out a ruler and examined the disaster. Then I went into cardiac...

7 Secrets To A Sensational Blog Post.

7 Secrets To A Sensational Blog Post.
The 8th secret is to use a picture of a chick in a belly-shirt even if she has little to nothing to do with your content. Inventing a blog is tough work. You have to sit there, be creative, be interesting, be anecdotical. Is that a word? Anecdotical? It looks weird and my WordPress editor is underlining...

In Defense Of Richard Jefferson: Bailing On Your Wedding Isn’t A Crime.

In Defense Of Richard Jefferson: Bailing On Your Wedding Isn’t A Crime.
See? It happens both ways! But really: call a cab, lady. Have you ever been on a bus? It's a convoy of mental patients. Oh dear God. You’re already mad. I can feel it deep down inside my super-fat body. In this post you’re going to read my defense of a man who bailed on his own wedding...

5 Reasons You’ll Get Hate Comments [And What To Do About It]

5 Reasons You’ll Get Hate Comments [And What To Do About It]
When this kid is old enough to type, he'll call me a doofus. There is nothing more sobering than stating an opinion and having anonymous Internet people shatter you emotionally. Well. Maybe sobriety. But I haven’t tried that in years. This article is not just for blogging, but I’ll use...

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