30 Answers To Personal and Hurtful Questions About Me.

30 Answers To Personal and Hurtful Questions About Me.
This is me cry-dancing to Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. Last week, I asked readers for questions.  Anything they wanted to know about me. In one day, I received 125. Most of them were just you suck, lard ass. Or go back to Canada. But here are the rest. I’ll keep adding as I get more questions....

7 Signs You’re Taking Yourself Too Seriously On The Internet.

7 Signs You’re Taking Yourself Too Seriously On The Internet.
It’s easy to be an egotistical maniac in social media. Within this safe cocoon, you’re liked.  Appreciated.  Respected. Outside it, you’re an alarming shithead. I, on the other hand, have found away to be the latter in both. You had to look up what “latter” meant, didn’t...

5 Reasons Why We All Click On Lists.

5 Reasons Why We All Click On Lists.
This man has created a monster. As you survey the Internet each day, you’re assaulted with information. Health care reform.  Pass. Tiger Woods is a whore.  Pass. 15 New Fruits You Haven’t Discovered Yet. Fuck yes. Why? Why do we suddenly care about fruit? Here’s why. 5 Reasons Why...

The 7 Things You’re Not Allowed To Say About Someone’s Appearance.

The 7 Things You’re Not Allowed To Say About Someone’s Appearance.
This will make sense later. The following post may offend you. You might own some of the afflictions I list, and cry all over yourself after reading this. Then you’ll flee my website to take shelter in the nourishing bosom of a lolcat. Devastating. But I have to write this, regardless of who I...

The 5 Topics You’re Not Allowed To Tweet About.

The 5 Topics You’re Not Allowed To Tweet About.
When I was a kid, my mom told me not to talk to strangers. Even if they offered me candy. Strangers might offer you chocolate my mom would say.  Just to get you to go with them. I was a fat kid.  I would totally go with them. Then they’ll kill you. And there’s the rub. We were paranoid...

15 Signs You’re Talking To A Canadian.

15 Signs You’re Talking To A Canadian.
The Olympics are being hosted on the same part of the planet I’m stepping on right now. Canada. In tribute to this, I’ve decided to honour my nation’s people the only way I know how. By totally making fun of them. If you’re not Canadian, you might know a Canadian or someone you...

The 5 Ways To Handle Rejection.

The 5 Ways To Handle Rejection.
God may have shortchanged me. I wanted a young, taut body.  He gave me a lumpy mess. I wanted a super hot chick.  He gave me XBOX Live. I wanted writing success.  He gave me a blog that’s consistently beat by cats playing with string. And still, I believe. I believe God, aka He-Man, will deliver...

5 Signs That You’re Liked On Twitter.

5 Signs That You’re Liked On Twitter.
Unfortunately, this will make sense later. It’s no secret that you need to be liked. You’re emotionally fragile. You read the headline above and needed to know. Do people on Twitter like me? Each day you pump your tiny fingers and tweet random crap about your life.  What you ate for breakfast....

5 Terms In English Slang Everyone Should Know.

5 Terms In English Slang Everyone Should Know.
Of all the fallen empires, I like England the most. Athens, Rome?  Kind of hot. Mongolia? Please. It’s England.  I holidayed there a few years ago.  Alone, of course. I wandered the streets of London, from pub to pub.  Eating jacket potatoes and taking in the culture. Trying to totally do...

Why I Should Never Judge A Kids Contest.

Why I Should Never Judge A Kids Contest.
In my head, this is what the teachers at the school looked like. Recently, I judged a speech arts competition for fourth and fifth graders. This is the most I’ve done in seventeen months.  Judge a contest. Ladies?  That’s called being driven. A dozen tiny contestants took the stage to...

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