I'm betting she says 'epic'
Ever since English was invented, there’s been a swath of phrases that annoy everyone.
I read books now.
I asked my tiny friends on Facebook for suggestions on some of their most hated phrases. They gave me well over 70.
After reading about the devastating oil spill in the Gulf Coast, I decided to make a difference.
These off-putting cats will explain the entire oil spill in just a minute.
I saved you from having to read.
Twitter friends, click here.
Cats donated by ShutterStock.
Today, I turn 30.
I woke up in my basement to a nice card left by my roommate/mom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. THIS YEAR, KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN AND EAT FRUIT.
I probably won’t get another card. I have a couple of friends but nobody’s going to put in the effort to get me a card. That’s exhausting....
For more pointless flow charts, follow me on Twitter here. Although, I won’t lie. I’ll try to send you a twitpic of my package.
Email me here: firstname.lastname@example.org
Some of you joined Twitter for one reason.
You need access to their minds. Their non-refundable nuggets of wisdom.
You’ve joined Twitter for this:
The biggest thrill is when a celebrity follows you. You’ve been chosen.
And you can totally throw it in the faces of others.
Again, my tiny friends on my Facebook page have helped me generate content.
Thank you, anonymous Internet people.
I asked them what questions they hate being asked.
In response, they ejected a stream of questions that I trimmed down to…
They ejected a stream.
Here’s some of them. Try...
Weeks ago, a volcano in Iceland made a mess of things.
Flights were grounded, people were angry. Ash in the air. General annoyance.
Plus a name that’s just a big pain in the ass.
Now as we look back, we reflect. I have gleaned five lessons from this debacle.
I use big...
Ask any woman you know if she’d like a gay best friend.
I’d do it, but I barely know any women.
I’m no Clooney.
The answer is yes. They’d love a gay best friend.
How fun would that be, right?!
Shopping, movies, chit chat! The best part?
They’re not trying to totally...
Even this kitten thinks you're an idiot.
Deep within the bowels of society, a new enemy rests.
A word ready to burst out of the badonkadonk of pop culture and destroy us all with its pungent smell.
The word ‘literally’.
If you’ve heard it and used it, you’re part...
I traveled to New York City recently. I was greeted with vitriolic anger and extreme doucheyness.
God I love New York.
I stood at the exact spot Kevin reunited with his parents in Home Alone 2 and fought back tears. I fed pigeons in Central Park whom I later yelled at. I tinkled in a taxi to maintain...