The 10 Types Of Facebook Friends. Which One Are You?

facebook_

The world of Facebook is divided in ten.

Ten types of personalities.  Ten distinct characters.

And  guess what?

You’re one of them.

Or maybe not.  I can’t do every type.  That would take hours to write and you’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again?  Remind me to send a picture of my package to him.

In my mind all of you are Anthony Weiner.

You’re my Ant Weiners.

That?

That made me smile.

Let’s get to it.  The ten types of Facebook friends.

1. The Girl Who Never Gets Your/You’re Right.  Ever.

Just once you want to see a post from her where she just nails it.  Will she today when she tells her friend Cindy your my girl 4ever bitch! ?

Nope.

This girl also has a mortal enemy.  The Guy Who Always Corrects Her.  That guy is so anal retentive a small part of him dies every time she posts.

But he still wants to totally do her.

What?

He’s a guy.

tongue_rings

Grammar isn't paramount for this individual.

2.  The People Who Post Inspiring Quotes They Somehow Hope Will Reflect Well On Them.

Why craft an original thought when you can CTRL-V Gandhi.  Although this might be good because if they’re not quoting Martin Luther King or Mark Twain, they’re writing your my girl 4ever bitch!

3. The People Who Claim They’re Never On Facebook Yet Know Everything Everyone Is Doing.

If you ask these people if they’ve been on Facebook lately they’ll tell you how long it’s been since they logged in because they’re so busy.

Then they’ll ask if you’ve seen how crappy a high school friend looks in a bikini.

Wait, you ran into Kara?

Uh, yeah!  Yesterday.

And she was wearing a bikini?

Yeah.  She’s a huge lardy-butt now.

But it’s January.  And we live in Canada.

4. The Guy Who Reports Every Location He’s Visited That Day.

Have you ever written this status update?

Just checked into the Starbucks at Crescent Heights and Pico.  Yummers!

Yes?

People have used it to avoid going to the Starbucks at Crescent Heights and Pico.

Because you say yummers.

shutterstock_52620793

Nice and tranquil? Guess again. Taken on-field during a Bears game.

5. The Guy Who Thinks Everyone’s An Idiot Except Himself.

Seriously.  Why are people such idiots.

Has anyone learned how to DRIVE in this city?

Meanwhile this person is updating Facebook while driving over a blind lady from Wyoming.

Finally.

I worked Wyoming into something.

6. The Girl Who Thinks She’s A Celebrity But Really, She Works At Lowes.

Every post is a recent modelling shot.  Also, she’ll name drop everyone she knows to let you know she’s at the cusp of making it.

Yet on Saturday you saw her at work and asked what aisle the DeWalt 3/4″ drill bits are.

Fine.

I had to look that up.

Just once, can’t I feel like a real man?

7. The Girl Who Gives Us Too Much Information.

I had a Facebook friend who once removed a cast she had on her leg for six weeks and posted:

My foot smells RIPE!

What.

What am I supposed to do with that.

8.  The Guy Who Pokes You Thinking It Will Lead To Sex.

Ladies, guys like this exist.  They’ll send you a harmless fun little poke and if you poke back they feel coitus is consensual.

Like that?

Coitus.

I’m smart!

Old_couple

Speaking of coitus!

9. ‘The People You May Know’ Guy.

You really shouldn’t have added this guy but you saw his lonely face in your ‘People You May Know’ window and felt bad.

You know who Betty White has in her ‘People You May Know’ window?

Pilgrims.

Are you workshopping material on your blog?

I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

But good, right?

10. The Guy Who Will Add Your Friends Even Though He Doesn’t Know Them.

You met him through a friend, added him.  You had one mutual friend.

Now you have 36.  One of them is your mom.

And he’s poking her.

There you have it.  I may have left out a few including douchebag writer who writes blog posts about Facebook friends.

Maybe you can think of some more.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to use my Betty White pilgrim joke on people who actually like my jokes.

Facebook?  Add my moobs here.

  • I think people will find if you use facebook.

  • Selene Fierro

    Or maybe not. I can’t do every type. That would take hours to write and you’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again? Remind me to send a picture of my package to him.

    http://www.videomarketingrobot...

  • Or maybe not.  I can’t do every type.  That would take hours to write and you’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again?  Remind me to send a picture of my package to him.
     

  • You’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again?

  • Meanwhile this person is updating Facebook while driving over a blind lady from Wyoming.
     

  • Yet on Saturday you saw her at work and asked what aisle the DeWalt 3/4″ drill bits are.

  • great calculator site, visit http://www.calculateforfree.co...

  • nippers

    Lowes sells drill bits?

  • Judith Kavanaugh

    Very very funny.  Good humor has 78% truth. This feels more like 98%

  • Lindseyrowe7

    HAHAHA. I'm #2. Damn. 

  • I like am your comments the most, bringing for me sploogey joy and edifaction I will return like a dripping boomerang of pure love, forex.

  • What a wonderful collections? I like this collections very much. It is worth and effective.

  • xiaoba

    1は、上側のプーマV - Konstrukt IIIサットータル90カーシューズはカンガルー革、合成皮革を使用し、デザインの革三位一体、カンガルー革のサッカーシューズ、人々のプレーのペースをより快適にすることができるという効果へのソフトの責任であり、革の使用は足の皮質の部分に配置されている段ボール素材でより多くの保護を提供するためpuma スパイクに、足の良いサッカーシューズの形状を、保持するために優れている、強化、サッカーとスニーカーの間の摩擦を増やすことができます、プーマV - Konstrukt IIIは、隠しレースの設計のときにサッカーのコントロールは、レースは、このように攻撃の面積の靴を増やし、接触面が大きいのでより多くのサッカーシューズがあるように、舌の下に隠れる。 2、ヒールプーマV - Konstrukt IIIサッカーミズノ サッカーシューズの靴のヒール、TPUは、かかとのスポーツより安定した部分で選手を作り、外部のかかとの部分を注入した。このようにかかとの怪我の高速運動の生成を防止。 3、セルの唯一プーマV - Konstrukt IIIサッカーシューズプーマ独自の唯一の使用は、細胞のバッファリングです。不規則なスパイクやすニューバランスさの最大の度合いは、反応のペースに直面する。スポーツの選手が少ない抵抗を生成することができます。

  • Chan meditation? i am so much interested in chan. thanks for sharing the post.

  • wwwbagsupplyercom
  • This is totally how it is on facebook, its really disturbing at times. Seems so unconnected to the acctual world dosent it? Where can i find Bästa sparräntan Bästa elavtalet?

  • lly love to read some articles that have great positive impacts on its reader and benefit by reading such article especially concerning Gold and the stock market. I admire these writers in sharing their views and or opinions that can enlighten the mind of the readers.

  • I was very fantastic why i not see your blog before i will come back.

  • I really love to read some articles that have great positive impacts on its reader and benefit by reading such article especially concerning Gold and the stock market. I admire these writers in sharing their views and or opinions that can enlighten the mind of the readers.

  • canada goose sale

     

    As the winter's step is nearer and nearer, canada goose sale , it is the high time for one to prepare a product of jacket to prevent you away via the cold. If you would want to purchase a man's jacket, Canada Goose Womens Expedition Parka , canada goose sale.

  • Funny stuff. Good actually. Is there a category for people who hate facebook, but open fake accounts so they can post on media sites?

  • Cheap Nike Air Max

    Very cool article! Your
    article is very professional. I can’t agree you any more. The article fills my
    mind with knowledge and gives it a compass so that that knowledge doesn’t go to
    waste. I admire your work!
    Cheap Nike Air Max

    Discount Louis Vuitton Handbags
    Thanks for your work and have a nice
    day! :)

  • LOUIS VUITTON
  • I'm the kind that will only comment on facebook once a year

  • Sue

    Ha, ha excellent.  I agree with Twitter Fail re the mum bit.  Too gross.....

  • To be fair, #8 stems from Teh Playground of Way Back when a goy would tug on a girl's pigtails to show that he liked her... it was actually a covert way of figuring out if she liked getting her hair pulled in other situations and/or scenariros. Jus sayin'. ;)

  • Charlie6067

    #11 The people who ask you to post a long paragraph of text on your wall for one hour while saying they know their real friends will do that for them.

  • Yummers! Glad to see you are back finally!

  • Dorfmunder

    You forgot the person who posts about every bite of food they eat and/or their pretentious gourmet cooking.

  • Facebookcommenter

    Type 1 should be "Your/You're" not "You/You're."

  • Said type 1.5

  • Seriously, dude. I don't want to hear about anyone poking my mom. That's just gross.

  • Simone

    what about the assholes like me who are constantly whoring their blog? 

  • Karenator

    I'm #5. Guilty as charged.

  • You have Lowe's in Canada? 

  • You have Lowe's in Canada?

blog comments powered by Disqus