Ever since English was invented, there’s been a swath of phrases that annoy everyone.
I read books now.
I asked my tiny friends on Facebook for suggestions on some of their most hated phrases. They gave me well over 70.
I’m going to trim it down to 10 of the most vile.
If you use any of these, stop immediately.
The term ‘peeps’ was cool when people were ‘getting jiggy with it.’
Or when people were not, in fact, ready for her jelly.
But we’ve evolved.
And we’re not your peeps.
2. Just Sayin’
People think that affixing this to the end of their comment dilutes the blunt impact of their horrible opinions.
Sorry but if the Indians who own Foxwoods Casino are so pissed at America, why don’t they just go back to whatever country they came from. #justsayin
3. That’s What She Said.
This phrase is used when someone empties their bottom drawer of comedy. Here. I’ll set one up.
Doing this is really really hard.
If you just said “that’s what she said” out loud, you’re part of the problem.
Sometimes annoying phrases transform into even more annoying phrases, leaving us in complete awe of their annoyingness.
Yeah. That’s now “totes”.
God help us all.
5. Personal Brand.
My older cousin used to lock the doors of his Chevy Corsica and drop alarming farts that I’d have to breathe in while crying.
That was his personal brand.
When the Hobbits had to return the ring to Mordor? That shit was epic.
The taquito you just bought from 7-11?
Not so much.
I’m not sure where this originated, but it smells like LOLCats to me.
If you’re a long-time reader of TN, you know how devastating I think LOLCats are.
A human using lolcat terminology in day-to-day conversation.
That would break me.
8. Let’s Connect.
Nobody can say email me sometime or add me to Facebook.
They have to say “let’s connect”.
Just be honest.
Let’s connect on Facebook so I can creepily comb through the bikini pictures of your trip to Cancun.
9. It Is What It Is.
Imagine you’re up on trial for bitch-slapping a manatee.
Your lawyer defends you by saying Your honor, my client did not, at any point, harm a manatee.
And then the judge is like But we have video evidence.
And your lawyer shrugs and says Well, alright. It is what it is.
Do you want that to happen?
Stop saying this phrase.
10. I Heart You.
Heart is five letters.
“Love” is four.
You’re putting in more effort to make something sound worse.
I know some of you are saying I have more to add to this list.
Feel free to leave a phrase or term that annoys you in the comment section.
I also know some of you use these phrases and want to call me ‘pretentious’ for making a list that shits on you.
If you want to send me direct hate, you can follow me on Twitter here.
Just don’t call me your peep.