11 Ways To Become The Worst Facebook Friend Ever.


Jilted by a lover?  Hate someone’s ugly face?

Here are eleven ways you can become their worst Facebook nightmare.

1. Add All Of Their Asian Friends.

Everyone hates the guy who adds everyone else’s friends.  But don’t be conventional.


When they see that all of your mutual friends are from one ethnicity, they’ll wonder.

Dude, how are you friends with all of my Asian friends?

I don’t see race.  I see harmony.


You'll do.

2. ‘Like’ Any Horrible Status.

Justine: just broke my leg skiing 🙁  FML.

You: Like!

Walter: My Golden Retriever is on fire.

You: Like!

Peter: oh noes!  i have herpes.

You: Like!

3. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Her You Can See Her Nips.

Especially wedding ones.

4. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Him You Can See His Nips.

It works too!


Who turned the AC on in the tranquil garden?

5. Petition Them Every Time Facebook Changes Something.

If Facebook changes their layout, get mental.

Ask your friend how he plans on dealing with the issue.

Dude, they changed the top toolbar.


Do you know what this means?


It means we have to blow shit up.

6. Comment That Their Baby Pictures Look Sexy As Hell.

It’s wrong.

Hilariously wrong.

7. Thank Them For Getting You Into The Teachings Of Al Qaeda.

Leave a wall post thanking them for broadening your horizons.

Hey Tom, just wanted to say thank you for the material you sent me.  I was thinking of taking my girlfriend to Florida for vacation but now we’re going to Kandahar to you know.  Carry out your will.  Toodles!

8. Send Them Invitations To Events In Locations Unreachable By Conventional Travel.

Dude, did you RSVP to the party on the Gulfaks C Platform?

That sounds like an offshore oil rig.

Exactly where the craziest parties are, bitch!


This is where the craziest parties are.

9. Tag Them In Videos Of Your Ass.

No, that’s it.

That’s really just it.

10. Like And Unlike One Of Their Statuses For 17 Days Straight.

Rack up thousands of notifications.  When they message you to inquire, play dumb.

11.  Poke Them And Then Message Every 38 Seconds Asking If They Got Your Poke.

Did you get my poke?  I poked you.  Did you see I poked you?

I’m naked right now.

There you have it.  Use these tips to annoy the hell out of everyone.

Just not me.

(That’s where I give you a link to my Facebook page and hope you click on it, even though I’m pretending I don’t care)

And remember.

I can see your nips.

Twitter friends, follow me here.

Images donated by ShutterStock (because I’m super poor)