11 Ways To Become The Worst Facebook Friend Ever.

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Jilted by a lover?  Hate someone’s ugly face?

Here are eleven ways you can become their worst Facebook nightmare.

1. Add All Of Their Asian Friends.

Everyone hates the guy who adds everyone else’s friends.  But don’t be conventional.

Profile.

When they see that all of your mutual friends are from one ethnicity, they’ll wonder.

Dude, how are you friends with all of my Asian friends?

I don’t see race.  I see harmony.

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You'll do.

2. ‘Like’ Any Horrible Status.

Justine: just broke my leg skiing :(  FML.

You: Like!

Walter: My Golden Retriever is on fire.

You: Like!

Peter: oh noes!  i have herpes.

You: Like!

3. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Her You Can See Her Nips.

Especially wedding ones.

4. Comment On Every Picture, Telling Him You Can See His Nips.

It works too!

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Who turned the AC on in the tranquil garden?

5. Petition Them Every Time Facebook Changes Something.

If Facebook changes their layout, get mental.

Ask your friend how he plans on dealing with the issue.

Dude, they changed the top toolbar.

So?

Do you know what this means?

No.

It means we have to blow shit up.

6. Comment That Their Baby Pictures Look Sexy As Hell.

It’s wrong.

Hilariously wrong.

7. Thank Them For Getting You Into The Teachings Of Al Qaeda.

Leave a wall post thanking them for broadening your horizons.

Hey Tom, just wanted to say thank you for the material you sent me.  I was thinking of taking my girlfriend to Florida for vacation but now we’re going to Kandahar to you know.  Carry out your will.  Toodles!

8. Send Them Invitations To Events In Locations Unreachable By Conventional Travel.

Dude, did you RSVP to the party on the Gulfaks C Platform?

That sounds like an offshore oil rig.

Exactly where the craziest parties are, bitch!

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This is where the craziest parties are.

9. Tag Them In Videos Of Your Ass.

No, that’s it.

That’s really just it.

10. Like And Unlike One Of Their Statuses For 17 Days Straight.

Rack up thousands of notifications.  When they message you to inquire, play dumb.

11.  Poke Them And Then Message Every 38 Seconds Asking If They Got Your Poke.

Did you get my poke?  I poked you.  Did you see I poked you?

I’m naked right now.

There you have it.  Use these tips to annoy the hell out of everyone.

Just not me.

(That’s where I give you a link to my Facebook page and hope you click on it, even though I’m pretending I don’t care)

And remember.

I can see your nips.

Twitter friends, follow me here.

Images donated by ShutterStock (because I’m super poor)






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  • even so many of us do follow these practices for making friend,followers,likes in bundle....thanks for the tips :)

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  • HatTrick1

    Best way to be a bad friend? Don't join Facebook!
    www.hattrickassociates.com

  • Ziggy Ward

    Everyone hates the guy who adds everyone else’s friends. But don’t be conventional.

    http://www.pacharms.com/

  • Everyone hates the guy who adds everyone else’s friends.  But don’t be conventional.
     

  • There you have it.  Use these tips to annoy the hell out of everyone.

  • When they see that all of your mutual friends are from one ethnicity, they’ll wonder.
     

  • I was thinking of taking my girlfriend to Florida for vacation but now we’re going to Kandahar to you know.

  • Like education, people are more accessible than ever before. Nearly anyone you need to know can be found on Twitter, Facebook, or Linkedin. Be on a mission they can't resist being a part of, and you're half way there.

  • tongtong chen

     

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  • Laura

    your post makes no sense in terms of advertising....

    learn use of the english language before trying to rope us in to buying your knock-offs.

  • I am so doing these to my friends.

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  • lol i have many worst friends

  • these are real tips to make things to become worst Facebook friend and that I will never try.

  • cpD

    I lol'd so hard xD

  • You Dont Know Me

    this would not piss anyone off......

    1.) who looks at mutual friends? and what friend does anyone have that you two have no mutual friends2.) a lot of people like horrible statuses as jokes. they wont take it personally
    3.) this makes you seem more like a perv than annoying.
    4.) haha this one is actually funny!!!                                                                                                                not
    5.) dumb
    6.) if you are the type of person where people think that it is believable that you truly think their baby pictures are hot then you have problems
    7.) since everyone will believe you this one will be funny
    8.) this will piss them off because im sure they feel obliged to attend every event you invite them to and they wont be able to figure out how to get to these super cool events 
    9.) ohhh man! now this one would be truly embarrassing i suggest people only do this to someone they really despise 
    10.) i know how much one random notification pisses me off so i can only imagine how much it will torment other people
    11.) the only people that this would drive crazy are the people who are too dumb to find the block communications button 

  • "My Golden Retriever is on fire"... ha ha

  • Luckybuttonkt

    way helpful

  • Iloveyou

    i like to go back in the comments by about a year, and comment on an event that happened.
    ex:
    victim: Going swimming today. whos going?
    sept 11 2002

    me: YAY I LOVE SWIMMING!!
    dec. 25 2010

  • Well, I do add alot of asian friends that my friend has.

  • Eddy Smith

    I LOL'd; this was awesome

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  • Rodney1701

    "Even though you don't play Farmville, do you have any wooden boards to help me
    build my stable?“

    Send “John, Paul, and RePete are in a boat. The boat
    tips. John and Paul fall into the water. Who is left in the boat?” over and over
    again.

    Post something significant on their Wall-to-Wall. Delete/Remove it
    3 days later;

    For every significant word in their post, search Wikipedia
    and copy the whole article. Paste them on a notepad. Copy and paste the whole
    notepad in a comment to that post. There seems to be no limit to the number of
    characters here. OR Type “Huh?!?” in every one of their Wall posts back to when
    they started FB.

    Comment on their photos “How much for just the
    women?”

    How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Create a story and don’t
    end it…

  • 458

    My favorite has always been to tag the victim in a status and then start a conversation with as many people as I can in the comments. We did this to a friend when he was on holiday, and he had 100+ notifications about cat diseases and Windows Vista (amongst other unrelated oddities) when he came back.

  • r a

    I have another one...if you are a father of daughters...and it is mother's day...put mother's day greetings on everyone's wall except your daughter's..... (don't know what made me think of that)

  • Anonymous

    You might want to change #7. I think whomever uses that one might find homeland security busting down their front door.

  • N0raduvet

    like

  • Aarti Sethi

    This whole thing is tremendous

  • anon

    Dude, I already do these things =S

  • quinnnnnn

    I as well.

  • Savvy

    Hahahah I just did the one with the excessive liking, just not quite as much as you suggested. :)

  • delwilliams

    Too funny.

  • Adnevil

    I see dead nips¡¡¡¡

  • Kaitlin Aubart

    ha! Another way you can be annoying on facebook... "like" your own status. Hell, "like" everything that you post at any time. Really, it amazes me when people do this. I mean, of course you like your status- I would hope so, since you wrote it. There's no need to actually "like" it. It makes you look dumb in my opinion. Just sayin.

  • Guest

    Very, very funny!! Especially , number-7!! Supremely pointless- hilariously random- impressively meaningless. It really does illustrate what an ignorant old-worlder I am that you come up with such irony and sarcasm, with such ease. Keep it up!

  • Recently someone gave me The Sunshine Award for "bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspires others in the blog world."

    Ha! My blog is "I Don't Give A Damn" -- previously called "I Probably Don't Like You."

    You can see the irony here.

    Anyway, I decided to accept it and follow the orders to pass it along to 12 other bloggers (there are always conditions to these things, aren't there?) But in the spirit of subversion, I am picking people who are decidedly not positive, but who write so well that they inspire me to do better myself. I've been following you for a year (roughly?) since I ran across you on Twitter. You're good. You're nasty.

    I like that.

    So drop by, pick up the award if you wish. You can always hang it on the wall in the basement so your mother will think the world knows what she's always known: that you're a little ray of sunshine.

  • lmao!

  • SOOO FUNNYY!

  • Nice list...lol I especially hate when your "wall" is used as a advertising platform. Like, don't you have your own wall? lol but so true, good funny post.

  • After all that, should I ask them to be in a complicated relationship with me?

  • Your example on #7 can actually be Point #12: Using "Toodles".

    Gosh, it's cold in here. What are you looking at?

  • Guest

    Nice, well done!

    A friend of mine used another way after I (!) told him which was only an idea.
    Change your name to your victim's one. Use the same profile picture. Ask his/her friends as friends (95% of them will accept) and start messing with them (let your imagination goes wild).

    Risky but it's the real deal.

  • Totally agree! That's why I don't have any friends on Facebook because they really ARE Asian... LOL.

    I thought of one that you didn't include here: Send friend requests to their parents and leave inappropriate comments on their parents' walls. ;-)

  • Sally

    How did you know that I make videos of my ass?

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