The 25 Steps To Become An Internet Celebrity.

celebrity

1. You tell your friends you’re going to be an Internet Celebrity.

2. You start a blog, and in the About Me section, you use a picture of yourself in front of a mirror where you can still see the camera.

3. You start a twitter account, and for the profile picture, you use a picture of yourself in front of a mirror where you can still see the camera.

4. You tweet things like “Starbucks fail”, capturing your true feelings on shit nobody cares about.

5. You get three followers.

6. You find a web program that gets you thousands of followers without you doing anything.

7. You tell your friends that you’re now an Internet Celebrity.

8. You change your picture to a professional shot where you angle your head so nobody can see that you’re no looker.

9. You write “Social Media Rockstar” in your Twitter bio.

10. A piece of humanity dies.

11. You call social media conferences and demand that they book you to speak.

12. They offer you no money and insist you buy your own badge.  You agree.  Then add “keynote speaker” to your bio.

13. You attend SXSW.  But not for the music part.  You attend it for the nerd part.

14. You’re not even aware that there was a music part.

15. You write a douchey book on how people can be better at the Internet.

16. You tell people you’re published, but omit “self” before “published”.

17. You start making videos of yourself.

18. Yet another piece of humanity dies.

19. You tell people you’re a producer, but leave off “on YouTube”.

20. You tell your friends that you need an agent because your career is exploding.

21. Your friends tell you to stop talking to them because in reality, they’re just people on the bus that don’t actually know you.

22. Your boss from your real-life job that pays your real-life bills calls and asks you where the fuck you’ve been for the last week.

23. You quit, telling your boss that you’re an Internet Celebrity and no longer need that dead-end job.

24. You quickly become poor.

25. You realize that you can’t pay your bills with YouTube views, retweets and Facebook likes.

If you need to preface it with “Internet”, you’re no celebrity.

If you’re against social media douchebags, follow me on Twitter here.

dee@tremendousnews.com


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    3. You start a twitter account, and for the profile picture, you use a
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  • K A-t Y

    That's funny. You're funny. Matt Damon.

  • If you need to preface it with “Internet”, you’re no celebrity.

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  • First action point is most important, let your friends know what you do. At the same time some social networking and things are done. Being active on Social networking makes you an internet celebrity ultimately.

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    This post made a lot of very good points - ones I haven't even considered before.  For that reason, my views on this matter are going to have to be revised.  Jason Statham

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  • Fairly funny! Avoid, you might want to have some plan what to do with the "popularity" you gain! Don't get me incorrect, getting rid of human beings one element at once is a suitable objective, but like the tale says... it doesn't pay well!

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  • jackiestar

    If you are smart you can make money from being an internet celeb. The top youtube channel owners, like the ones that have MILLIONS of views are Youtube partners and some earn over $100k a year. If you are close to L.A you could probably use your Youtube popularity to get into acting

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  • Hehe, that's quite interesting:P

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  • allubarbosa

    You might want to have some idea of what to do with "popularity" can get! Do not get me wrong, killing the human race, a piece at a time, an important objective, but as the story goes ... does not cost much

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  • liliag

    Quite a funny post. For a second I thought it's gonna be a serious post for those who believe such stupid things. Now I'm glad I read it. It amused me a lot...and yes, a piece of humanity has died...
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  • MrLoftcraft

    Sad, but true:)) Some people actually try all the steps you mentioned here, but the actually sad part is that some of the kill themselves because they haven't managed to become an internet celebrity... so internet causes suicidal behaviors... watch out!!!
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    You can always try hiring a professional reputation management online company so you won't end up killing yourself. I'm kiding of course, but speaking seriously now... the virtual environment has created many advantages, but disadvantages as well. The article here describes one major disadvantage: some people see celebrities on the internet and they want to be just like them... and sometimes that ain't possible...

  • i can't imagine someone will be that so vain about hiself

  • Quite amusing.

  • Tiger_Girl

    Damn, maybe I need social media goddess ? or deem myself social media darling? social media princess? social media mayor? Funny post!

  • fuck, "social media rockstar" is already taken! and i thought by avoiding "uber" and "guru" i'd be rad.
    hilarious post!

  • RussBastable

    Pretty funny! Yeah, you might want to have some idea what to do with the "popularity" you gain! Don't get me wrong, killing humanity one piece at a time is a worthy goal, but like the story says... it doesn't pay well!

  • well it looks like we have something here...

  • So,.. um,... do you take this bus often?

  • This is pretty freaking funny.

  • Step 5a, figure a way to write comments on every popular blog so people will see you. :D

  • madtexter

    This is HILARIOUS! And SO true. You know we're all thinking it, but you scooped it! Cheers!

  • Guest

    Yes..... immense. Stay the hell away from me: Otherwise you'll post an eerily-accurate satire of my non-life too! :-)

  • Thanks for the tips... I've been having a hard time breaking out of being a marble notebook celebrity... I feel so 20th century.

  • Blerg - I'm not even an "internet" celebrity... yet...

  • So funny and so true!

  • #22 made me spit out a wheat thin, HILARITY!!!

  • Nice one.. :)

  • BWAHAHAHA! Love it!

  • Despite rumors, I have NOT used follow-back services. And the people on the bus really do like me!

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