The 25 Steps To Become An Internet Celebrity.

celebrity

1. You tell your friends you’re going to be an Internet Celebrity.

2. You start a blog, and in the About Me section, you use a picture of yourself in front of a mirror where you can still see the camera.

3. You start a twitter account, and for the profile picture, you use a picture of yourself in front of a mirror where you can still see the camera.

4. You tweet things like “Starbucks fail”, capturing your true feelings on shit nobody cares about.

5. You get three followers.

6. You find a web program that gets you thousands of followers without you doing anything.

7. You tell your friends that you’re now an Internet Celebrity.

8. You change your picture to a professional shot where you angle your head so nobody can see that you’re no looker.

9. You write “Social Media Rockstar” in your Twitter bio.

10. A piece of humanity dies.

11. You call social media conferences and demand that they book you to speak.

12. They offer you no money and insist you buy your own badge.  You agree.  Then add “keynote speaker” to your bio.

13. You attend SXSW.  But not for the music part.  You attend it for the nerd part.

14. You’re not even aware that there was a music part.

15. You write a douchey book on how people can be better at the Internet.

16. You tell people you’re published, but omit “self” before “published”.

17. You start making videos of yourself.

18. Yet another piece of humanity dies.

19. You tell people you’re a producer, but leave off “on YouTube”.

20. You tell your friends that you need an agent because your career is exploding.

21. Your friends tell you to stop talking to them because in reality, they’re just people on the bus that don’t actually know you.

22. Your boss from your real-life job that pays your real-life bills calls and asks you where the fuck you’ve been for the last week.

23. You quit, telling your boss that you’re an Internet Celebrity and no longer need that dead-end job.

24. You quickly become poor.

25. You realize that you can’t pay your bills with YouTube views, retweets and Facebook likes.

If you need to preface it with “Internet”, you’re no celebrity.

If you’re against social media douchebags, follow me on Twitter here.

dee@tremendousnews.com