The 5 Creepiest Oscar Moments: A Cringe-Inducing Recap Of Last Night.

Oscar night for me is like Superbowl night for real men.

Or for women who are more manly than I.

Of which there are a lot of.

Hilarious.

If you didn’t watch the Oscars last night, I will briefly summarize the experience for you by compiling five of the creepiest moments.

1. Mo’nique Over-Thanking Her Husband As He Stared At Her Like He Gave Birth To Her.

I know Mo’nique was brilliant in Precious, but really.

Do you have to thank your husband that much?  Every second with the I want to thank my husband.

And then he just sits there, staring at her, blinking.

Bizarre.

Mo'nique's Husband/Creator.

2. Ben Stiller Going A Real Long Way For An Avatar Joke.

Imagine searching for a laugh within a weak premise.

Now imagine doing it in full Avatar makeup and costume.

That’s what this was like.  I heard Sacha Baron Cohen bailed out on this sketch a few days before the ceremony.

I wonder why.

Stiller presses on as Cohen laughs in the background.

3. The How Old Is Miley Cyrus Again?  Because She Looks Pretty Ho– Wait-That’s-Gross Moment.

This is cringe-inducing mostly for me, because I’m 29, fat, unemployed and still live with my parents.  But Miley did look pretty tremendous last night.

I am now a fan of whatever it is she does.

Music?

I’m going with music.

Ladies? How much do you want this.

4. You Can Totally Tell Macaulay Culkin Is Pissed That Every Time He’s Anywhere, He Has To Reference Himself In Home Alone.

He’ll be sixty-five years old at a comic book convention in Seguin, TX and have people ask him to do the after-shave “ahhhh” scene.

And why not?

That movie was the shit.

5. Did Someone Just Kanye That Dude?

There was a moment during the Oscars where this guy was accepting an award.  I think it was for best documentary short, or as I like to call it, The You Can Flip To Family Guy While Eating Cheese Cubes Because Nobody Cares About This Award Award.

Only I didn’t.

And I was rewarded.

This one dude accepted his Oscar, started his speech and then was totally Kanye’d by this old chick who took over the mic! It was awesome because I thought she was just a random fan or something.

I went upstairs to tell my mom to turn it on because this chick is stealing an Oscar. I found out later she was actually a producer on the movie that didn’t get along with the original dude.

So, a half-Kanye.

–

There you go.

Now you don’t have to watch the Oscars.

You can unfollow me on Twitter for hinting that Miley Cyrus is attractive here.

Until next year.

dee@tremendousnews.com