15 Signs You’re Talking To A Canadian.

canada

The Olympics are being hosted on the same part of the planet I’m stepping on right now.

Canada.

In tribute to this, I’ve decided to honour my nation’s people the only way I know how.

By totally making fun of them.

If you’re not Canadian, you might know a Canadian or someone you highly suspect of being Canadian. Here are fifteen signs to know if you’re talking to one.

1. We Are Completely Comfortable With The Term “Homo Milk”.

In Canada, this is an acceptable type of milk.  I remember when someone asked my mom what type of milk she gave me as a child.  I braced myself for a devastating mental image.

He loves homo.

Thanks, mom.

Because that’s not confusing.

homo-milk

2. We Correct You When You Say “Soda”.

We’ll say, “you mean pop?”.  And then creepily stare at you until you call it ‘pop’.

3. We Are Offended When You Ask Us If We Know A Friend Of Yours Who, Coincidentally, Also Lives In Canada.

You’re from Canada?  Do you know my friend Tom?  He lives in Canada too.

Ever since Canada was invented, we’ve been asked this question.  The American soldiers did this during the War of 1812.

Good war, dude.  Good war.  I think my buddy Jacques lives up in Canada.  Vancouver or some shit.  Tall guy, eyepiece?  You probably know him.

4. We Don’t Think “Legalizing Marijuana” Is A Debate.

I’ve never met a Canadian with another view on it.

Or I might have, but I was watching Garfield 2 while eating cookie dough.

Odie’s a bad ass.

5. We’ve All Rolled Up The Rim To Win.

Ask any Canadian you know if they’ve ‘rolled up the rim’.

They’ll say yes.

It’s not naughty.  It’s way lamer than that.  It’s a contest that a coffee shop ..

Actually fuck it.

It’s naughty.

6. We’ve Been Jealous Of Someone Else’s Toboggan.

A ‘toboggan’ is a nice wooden snow sled.

When I grew up, I had to go sledding using the lid of a garbage can.

So maybe this one’s just for me.

cl-series

7. We Think ‘Beaver Tail’ Is Delicious.

A beaver tail is a pastry, covered in syrup, ice cream, cream, and some fruit that we pick off it because it’s all gross and healthy.

8. Our Parents Have Tied Our Mittens Together With A String So We Don’t Lose Them.

My mom would tie my “wool gloves” together and put them through my winter jacket so I didn’t lose them.

This seemed like a good idea.

But since they were pink and I was a freaking boy, mom I doubt they’d go unnoticed.

9. We Were Raised, In Part, By Mr. Dressup.

I’m twenty-nine, so this might not be true of older Canadians.  Or like, super hot college chicks who think I’m all old and gross now because they don’t know who Mr Dressup is.

Mr Dress Up sawed through the hearts of many Canadian kids.

Mr Dressup sawed through the hearts of many Canadian kids.

10. We Grow Playoff Beards.  (Not The Women)  (Hopefully)

During hockey playoffs, players will not shave.  So when they win the Stanley Cup, it looks like Hamas is playing for the New Jersey Devils.

For some bizarre reason, some fans who support the team, decide to grow beards too.

Don’t ask.

I look like I’m in Hamas even in the off season.

brothersniedermayer_beard

11. We Are Angry That We Can’t Watch The Same Commercials As Americans During The Superbowl.

Instead of the cool commercials everyone talks about, we get “Tom Ford’s Nissan Dealership, Now Open In Bolton”.

Your name’s Tom Ford, douchebag.

Pick the right car company.

12. We Know Where To Get Good Poutine.

Because it is the nectar of our people.

For the last three, I asked some friends of Tremendous News for help.  Here they are.

13. When We Hear “In The Five-hole” And “Spending Some Time In The Box”, We Don’t Think Dirty.

It’s hockey.  It’s pure.  It’s our game.

Alex Ruiz, Calgary Flames TV.

14. We Give Directions Using Liquor Stores And Beer Stores As Geographical Benchmarks.

Ok, you know the beer store at Jane and Dundas? Go east until you get to the liquor store then take a right.

Jeff Marek, Hockey Night In Canada Radio.

15. Canadians Never Think Anywhere Is Cold Outside Of Canada

Whaaaa? This isn’t cold. Winter of ‘94, my eyelids froze shut, and I still walked to school.

Nia Vardalos, Actress, Screenwriter, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Life In Ruins

There you have it.

Send this to a Canadian friend to see how many of these things they can relate to.

You can follow me on Twitter here.  Let me know if you have any friends in Canada.

I was probably jealous of their toboggans.

dee@tremendousnews.com


Share

  • madison

    I am Canadian and to me, half of that is right.

  • Canadian Chick

    This is all mostly true about me! (I'm Canadian). Awesome!

  • Germany

    i love you

  • Amacuba

    Also we know specific things which can occur during very cold winters: Nostrils freezing shut; what kind of snow makes good snowmen (packing); when your breath, after it's exhaled, rather than rising, actually SINKS because it's so cold (it's started to freeze); wearing so many scarves on our heads that only a small slit allows us to see because our parents are afraid that we'll get frostbite walking to school (they still sent us!!); what snow that squeaks when you walk on it means (it's REALLY cold); some people still think we not only live in igloos but it's cold all year (had a southern American say to me, in July when I was in Florida, "Mighty cold up there this time of year").

    And I can honestly say I've never in my life said "aboot" or made every statement a question by saying "eh" at the end. In fact, I don't think I've ever met anyone who did! So take off ya hosers!

  • mikoda

    How to tell if you're talking to a Canadian:
    1) They will fucking tell you they're Canadian! lol

  • Queens English & Proper French

    If you're outside of Canada and not Canadian by birth - minus 10 degrees Celsius is NOT really chilly - minus 40 degrees Celsius IS a little chilly LOL! It's not the same stuff you get at Pubs - Spruce Beer IS a Pop okay! And if you're not from Quebec the usage of any French words by any of you will get a reprimand from us - you're warned - it is NOT 'Genre' it IS Style - your own word in your own language so use it and leave ours alone LOL!

  • Vicky

    lol! All of these are so true!
    Another one is: If somebody that is not Canadian says something REALLY dumb about Canadians such as "Do you guys all live in igloos?", a Canadians response will always be "Oh yes we do! We also park our polar bears in our ice garages... AND SANTA CLAUSE IS OUR NEIGHBOR!!!" haha I love Canada!

  • CanadianMomEh

    I reblogged this post on my site, http://canadianmomeh.com/2012/... with proper credit. Great read.

  • Victoria

    No mention of eh in this, I am somehow disappointed. :(
    I, for one, use it ALL the time. :D
    Great list though

  • I'm not comfortable with homo milk, I've never even seen those cartons here. Lol. The tying the mittens thing isn't really Canadian. I remember asking my American friend if they have Canadian Tire there LOL.

  • david

    Pretty much whatever Red Green says also applies to Canadians.

    "Keep your stick on the ice!!!!!!!"

  • Nice post

  • In Canada, this is an acceptable type of milk.  I remember when
    someone asked my mom what type of milk she gave me as a child.  I braced
    myself for a devastating mental image.
     

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  • "actually, fuck it. It's naughty" LOL!

  • Fernando Caldi

    Hello...my friends....

  • Elizabeth Quinman

    I lived in Canada for 36 years but am now down in Texas,,, I was tested on my Canadian-ness with one simple request.  Finish this statement "When you eat your Smarties"_____________

  • Denis Sinclair

    do you eat the red one last?

  • DavidAyer

    ...do you eat the red ones last? Do you suck them very slowly, or crunch them very fast! Eat that candy-coated chocolate - but tell me when I ask, when you eat your Smarties, do you eeeeat the redddd onnnnnnes laaaaaaast?

  • Denis Sinclair

    I forgot the rest. Thanks, David

  • DavidAyer

    No problem! Such a demanding jingle, isn't it? First it assumes you already eat them (WHEN you eat your Smarties...) then throws in various demands (Eat them! Tell me! etc.) but catchy!

  • Dylmat

    Aren't Smarties in the states our Rockets? You know the little wrapped up candies

  • Boivin01

    you eat the red ones last.

  • Shirley

    I don't eat the red ones, only the brown ones because chocolate is already brown :P

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  • Jeverson1414

    Haha I'm minesotan and most of these apply to me! Especially the toboggan one

  • Kevin_karyjane

    I was never in doubt that I am Canadian,Goota love us AAA!

  • Jbonkerz

     It is "eh" not the letter "a". Next you will say you have never heard of Rush, or The Guess Who.

  • mtlguy

    OMG... So true and absolutely hilarious!! So proud to be Canadian!

  • Tyler

    LOL I'm canadian and I found this hillarious!

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  • Well done. You have definitely summed it up. My personal favourite is number 14 though and oh so familiar.

  • Scattergirl

    Love it!!! I Am Canadian!!!!

  • Kaleemaliwarsi

    my names kaleem i live in pakistan.karachi & tell me your good nam?

  • Kymess

     I thought this would be like a couple of greeting cards I found that listed Canadianisms ... but yours are totally unique .. and hilarious! ... especially the 'roll up the rim'!  Oh, and I'm over 50, but I was partially raised by Mr Dressup, too, and also the Friendly Giant (that should freak out some Americans, unless they lived near the border and could pick up the CBC's signal), so, wow! those guys must've been super-young when they started their shows! .. I think the only thing missing is when people (the same Americans who ask if you know Tom in Calgary, or Yvonne from Montreal) to say out, about or roof so they can laugh at your pronounciation?! (it does NOT sound like oot, aboot, or roefff - that last one was the best I could do phonetically).
    But, hey, our Wet Coast beaver tails don't have fruit on them (I guess you could ask for it?), they're just all cinnamon-sugary goodness.... I liked this a lot .. Thanks for putting it together!

  • naidanac

    I'm not even 20, but most of the are true haha.And I say "chocolate bar" not "candy bar". I remember when I was about 9, a kid my age walked up to me and asked "Do you have 25 cents? I'd like to buy a candy bar from that machine" I was so confused and responded "What the hell's a candy bar? That machine only has chocolate bars and chips?" I gave him 25 cents anyway though haha. And my dad does use beer and liquor stores as landmarks, he also uses Timmy's and rotten Ronnies though lol

  • Lo

    I'm from Romania, but I too have a Canadian friend! He was crying laughing when I told him i used to watch La femme Nikita!

  • Anne

    Lol all of this so true... I was raised by Mr. Dress up and I'm only 15. Also l live in a small town of 1000 ppl, called Killaloe and that's where the the first beavertail was made, thus the ultimate Canadian favourite "killaloe sunrise" beaver tail. Small world ;)

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  • Cam Lupes

    Canadians are like New Yorkers. They just put their "eh's" at different ends of the sentence.

    Canadians say "How's it goin', eh?"
    New Yorkers say "Eh, how's it goin'?"

  • JoFoG

    Love it! You forgot the infamous "chesterfield" that seems to be a Canadian word that has died a noble death. My grandparents and my Mom used to call the couch that. I guess "couch" is a Canadian word, too... don't the americans call it a "sofa"?

    Its' interesting that Ernie Coombs (Mr. Dressup) was an American who came to Canada as a young man and never looked back. I guess that was a vote in our favour. Mr. Dressup was an icon!

  • Amacuba

    Chesterfield is actually a furniture manufacturer who makes couches. So it was used in the same way as "Kleenex". :)

  • ycart

    As an American, I don't think I've heard very many people call it a sofa. Usually, we just call it a couch.

  • Took me time to read all the opinions, but I truly savored the post. It turned out to be very handy to me and I am sure to all the visitors here.

  • steelersfanhawaii

    If anyone asks you where the restroom is and asks 'where is the washroom?', they are likely Canadian

  • Cyber_w

    or bathroom

  • Ceinwenn

    I loved this! Also, it's great that we Canadians love our icons so much we name our kids after them (Eric McCormack named his son Finnigan after Finnigan from Mr. Dressup!)

  • Haha101

    LMAO! Speaking as a Canadian myself, this is all so true! Haha.

  • JAQUIV

    I guess I'm canadian. All this stuff, except a few are things I did growing up in Chicago.

  • montreaLOL

    inches and feet for measuring height but centimeters for measuring snow

  • justme

    We also understand and use the phrase "f***in' eh" correctly.

    We buy a two-four (need I clarify "of beer"?), been said here but bears repeating.

    We say chocolate bars, not candy bars.

    In reference to sorry, we say sore-ry not sah-ry (except some Canadians who live too close to the border in some places).

    We still should be saying zed, not zee, but that seems to be disappearing.

    No one ever says "aboot" or "oot", ever. We do however, put more "u" into them (not "ow") and don't draw them ... out. You kind of take a bite of it when you say it. Same for mouse and house, really.

    Mr. Dressup (1967-1996) - Casey and Finnigan were the best, never careed for the later puppets - AND the Friendly Giant (1958-1985)- so it depends how old those older Canadians you were referring and how young the younger ones are.

    In response to an earlier post, Canadian restaurant servers are paid minimum wage, in the US servers typically do not make minimum wage - and many Canadians have made it up to 15%, not 10%.

  • A canadian.

    hahahaha, these are all true!
    And are you kidding??? I'm 16 and I was totally raised by Mr. Dressup! I had his shirt when I was 4! He was an awesome guy. Mind you, when I watched him he was a proud old geeser.

    As for the Marijuana thing, I have met people tons of people with different opinions on it, though....it is definitely more one sided!

    this is just too great. Oooooh Canada! xD

  • Newcanoer

    number 15 made me laugh since i'm significantly older than the 29 yr old author and Mr. Dressup raised me too, along with The Friendly Giant!

  • Victor Maratovich

    We as Canadians

  • Victor Maratovich

    we also know someone whose dog was killed by a snowmobile

  • Karalena

    I live in Wisconsin and from reading the points above, I'd say we must have been Canadian at some point! We had our mittens tied together, toboggans rock, nowhere is colder than Wisconsin, and we definitely give directions by liquor stores (and bars). Oh, I have a couple of friends who lives in Canada...you may know them...Vancouver...never mind :)

  • Jim

    # 14 is so true

  • Weapon_of_mass_instruction

    Ha ha I say pop, but I am from MIchigan! so its close enough, my Grandmother was born in Saskatchewan, you know here, Lady with a face and eyes???? you probably know here

  • Guest

    I'm 18, and my mittens are still tied together and through my sleeves. It's convenient. My grandmother does it too. And who wouldn't be jealous of a really nice toboggan?
    Thanks to this article, I'm craving a kilalow sunrise beavertail.
    And @Adhd dad- "Eh" isn't capitalised.

  • Mya

    Haha I loved the "roll up the rim" one. so true!

  • Absolutely everything here except the hockey stuff are completely true for me (don't watch hockey...for shame). And yes, I get very jealous of other people's toboggans and when I see a really nice one in the store I drool a little.... I'm 27... and when I mention Mr. Dressup to my classmates (I have gone back to university) they give me a weird look.

  • Kail

    I don't know why they would give you a weird look because I am in university (I'm 20) and I sure as hell grew up on Mr. Dressup.

  • A Person.

    I know it's already been said, but my Boyfriend is Canadian (I'm American) and I've spent a good chunk of time with him and his friends in Ontario, I have seen that it is true that Canadians say "eh" a lot. It's not as much as the stereotype alludes to, but it is still a good number. Except my one Canadian friend. I've only heard him say "eh" once or twice. He says "right" in an ascending tone, always the same exact way, instead.

  • I used to work at the southernmost Tim's in the USA, and let me tell you, people go fucking APESHIT when March rolls around and it's roll up the rim time. People try to get extra cups and everything. Coffee's pretty good, too; about every two months, I would see a couple that drove up from southern Tennessee to northern Kentucky to get several pounds of it at a time.

  • Whizzle Delowko

    coolest fight i ever saw was an American talking to a Canadian, He says "Canadian are ya? You've got all the fresh water up there".... to which the Canadian replied " You Americans would have a lot of fresh water too, if you quit putting so much of it in your beer....

  • N.C.HockeyNut

    #10 and #13 also apply to North Carolina. although i tend to grow a playoff mange.

  • sweetgurl2

    heyy. im kinda new 2 tumblr. i loved ths post!!! it made me laf how us americans can really stereotyp e canadians. soory bout tht. lol :D

  • I completely with everything stated here. Now I am starving for a beaver tail though,

  • Its weird as ive heard of sofas called chesterfields, davenports, settees couches and lots of other things whereas i know the chesterfield sofa as a buttoned low backed sofa.

  • Megan

    lol It's scary to know just how true this all is. Need to straighten people out about the difference in people within Canada still. That'll be a fight for sure.

  • I am laughing so hard right now I am crying,.,,,,,,,,,no joke.............I am on my second kleenex. Thank you for making my day. We're a pretty funny bunch, eh? :):)

  • Ok, so i read close to 100 comments, and no one mentioned one thing that Americans
    don't do that Canadians do...Put vinegar on their french fries.
    I traveled east to west of the US and all restaurant waitress where always
    looking at me weird when I asked for vinegar for my fries.
    They would say, let me go ask the cook if he as any.

  • Makayla Marshall

    I'm from Michigan and tons of my friends put vinegar on their french fries.

  • Jlp7111

    You haven't been to the Jersey Shore in the summer then - vinegar on fries is a staple

  • Kendra

    Ahaahahahahah! I love being Canadian. :)

  • Adhddad

    not bad Eh? Canadian Eh? do you know we can't get Canadian Backon in Canada? We ship it all to the US
    Eh?

  • Starrcansing

    Naw, we just call it "back bacon" or "peameal bacon"

  • Murphy2112

    I'm going to respond to this by telling my most Canadian story.

    When I was 8 or 9, we had an unnaturally large snowfall for Vancouver Island. There's a huge hill behind my house, so my friends and I went up (even though we didn't have a toboggan). We just slid down on our asses and rolled down the hill. There was a group of older kids a little further over who had a genuine wooden toboggan and were having a great time. When they went to go home, they gave us their toboggan. Bewildered, we asked, "Well, where do you live so we can give it back?" They looked at us and said, "You don't have to give it back. You have your own toboggan now." It was one of the nicest gestures I've ever witnessed, and by far the most Canadian moment of my life.

  • Eldritchdarkwear

    How I know I'm talking to a Canadian...because they talk like this...

    "Your beer sucks, eh, and your women are whores and why don't you invite other countries to the World Series? Oh, and you're rude and your foreign policy is fascist and you don't read. Stop producing greenhouse gasses." (This also works for identifying Europeans.)

  • Chris

     could it be that you in particular get attitude from non-american's because you come across as ethnocentric and whiny? because you kind of do...

  • Zion Leason

    The last one was the only one that counted for me :P

  • guest

    If you ever visited Cape Breton, Nova Scotia you would have seen " Lick-a-Chick" very good chicken restrant in North Sydney area right across from Tim Hortons. True

  • Guest

    It's actually in Bras'Dor. And anyone who needs to get to the ferry drives by it. And their chicken is really, really salty.

  • Denise Friedel

    Hey there, I am Canadian and I can relate to your stuff, especially toboggons. As a child, I walked to school (and home too, uphill both ways), and since there was an old gravel pit behind the little red school house, we'd take our sleds and toboggans back there. During the noon hour, everyone would rush back to the steep "hills." Then, with each toboggan piled with several kids, we'd risk our lives at breakneck speeds, to reach the bottom. It was a contest to see who could accomplish this the most times in one hour. I do suspect that this is where our love of high, steep roller coasters originated, lol!

  • the legalization of marijuana one.. are you saying everyone is for it?
    because if you're saying you've never met a canadian that doesnt want it legalized you dont hang out with the right people.
    personally, ive never met anyone AGAINST legalization. :P

    none the less, this list was very funny and true.
    canada is the shit!

  • Dlamb

     Well, from my perspective, it appears your not hanging out with the right people either.
    Was anyone wearing a toque whilst flying down the hill on their toboggan?

  • well, Milk is an acceptable type of milk. I remember when someone asked my mom what type of milk she gave me as a child.

  • sweenym

    Milk is an acceptable type of Milk?

  • well, recent university grad and potential social worker currently living in Toronto. I enjoy knitting!

  • ^Thisguyisdumb^

    That was for the guy below this haha

  • ^Thisguyisdumb^

    you're*

  • ^Thisguyisdumb^

    It takes one to know one, no? Or maybe your just completely arrogant and uneducated.

  • Canadianssuk

    Canadians are so gay

  • IamCanadian

    Thing is in Canada gay marriage is legal, so thats not big deal ;)

  • Canadianwanker

    or shall i say UBER gay

  • alien

    ya forgot the 'eh' stereotype......>.>

    :)

  • Arf

    They forgot one: Canadians don't tip more than 10%.

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