Nobody wants to believe that they’re part of a fad.
It’s this weird thing about us. Humans. We feel like if we’re part of something that was wildly popular for a fleeting moment, we just got suckered.
And I’ll be damned if I get cuckolded again.
But you might be part of a fad. Facebook, Twitter, they could be fads. That hilariously demented naughty site you go on when your parents aren’t home? Possibly a fad.
Although let’s hope not.
The Internet is about right now.
Right now we want to read short electrical messages from Ashton Kutcher. Right now we want to view tagged photos of chicks who rejected us but still allowed us to add them to Facebook. Right now we want to play Mafia Wars.
Some of us are just assholes.
But whatever we want right now, changes tomorrow. Think about the fallen Internet heroes of yesterday.
The days when Yahoo was the shit.
Prodigy Online. CompuServ. Friendster. Hell, even MySpace.
We wanted them. Used them. Sucked the fun out of them. Then discarded them.
And we’ll do it again.
Tomorrow, if someone douchier than me starts “waymoretremendousnews.com”, and he writes about stuff you actually care about, I’m done.
I’ll probably have to move back with my parents and—
Well something bad will happen.
The point is, I know this. I’m ready for it. And I can point out the signs.
Here they are. The five signs you’re part of an Internet fad.
1. People Are Way Too Into It.
Internet fads are started by what I call the nerdy douche. These people live and breathe the phenomenon so much, it’s alarming. They’re the ones with the T shirts they get custom-printed to announce to the world how much they enjoy the current fad.
This is because without the current fad, nobody talks to these people.
But now that they’re Internet stars, they can wear a T shirt, take a picture of it and use it for their avatar.
Because that’s what we need.
2. People Are Scared When Something Else Comes Out.
When Google Buzz came out and people called it the “Twitter Killer”, thousands of people on Twitter grew frightened. If Buzz actually killed Twitter, all of those days they spent getting super hot spambot followers would be wasted.
Tons of people on Twitter secretly hope Google Buzz will fail.
And the rest are buying Buzz T Shirts and taking pictures of themselves for their avatars.
I told you.
It’s how it starts.
3. The Spam Surprises You With Its Creativity.
Internet fads end when the service loses its epic battle against spam. It happened to Friendster when webcam chicks became so overpowering that you either had to shut down your Friendster account or have your seventeenth private cam show with Roxy from Vegas.
I think I put Roxy’s kids through college.
Facebook and Twitter are doing a better job at battling back. But the spambots improvise. They start to learn the weaknesses, and become even more super hot.
Right now the webcam chicks, teeth whiteners and affiliate marketers are held at bay. But as soon as they call for Nigerian banker back-up, it’s over.
4. It’s Called A “Game-Changer.”
When a social media “expert” is calling your service a game changer on his horrible weekly podcast nobody watches, look out.
It’s the death wish.
5. It Becomes Corporate.
Facebook and Twitter were started by regular people. It wasn’t a company launching a new service. It was some nerdy dudes who probably argued about which “CSS syle sheet” to use at a Starbucks in San Mateo.
That’s what made it cool.
But when corporations take over, and I mean fully over, it feels hollow.
You need to know that the people running your service are just as dumb as you are. It’s what makes it real.
There you have it. The signs you might be part of an Internet fad.
You can send me your short, electrical hate on Twitter here.
Especially if you’re wearing a custom-made T shirt in your profile picture.
Because that’s just hilarious.
Question for my hurtful commenters: Do you think Facebook and/or Twitter are ‘fads’? Also, are any of you super hot chicks that want me to like, do stuff to you?