How Kevin Smith Just Won One For The Fatties.

401101140_38518f83d1

Actor-director-screenwriter-fat person Kevin Smith was recently asked to de-plane a Southwest flight recently because he was deemed “too fat” to fly.

Outrageous.

When I read this news, I was coincidentally feeding myself.  I looked up from my third hot pocket and yelled outrageous with cheese strands hanging off my chins.

I know.  I know.

I’m all gross.

My mom ran down the stairs and said children shouldn’t yell at the television.  You scared me.

And I said mom, this fatso just got kicked off a plane because he’s too fat.  That’s so wrong.

And then she said see?  Now maybe you’ll learn to lose weight.  And then you don’t have to worry.

Screw that noise.

Even if I’m alarmingly doughy, I should not be humiliated by a company and sent off a plane.

When Southwest airlines did that to Kevin Smith, they did it to me.

They did it to hundreds of thousands of fat people across the world.

They harpooned us all with the poking-stick of humiliation.

And Kevin Smith stuck it right back.

He leveraged the power of Twitter and unleashed a fury on Southwest like no other.  He bent them over and social media’d their ass until they finally apologized.  This is a victory.  A victory for all of us.

And if you’re of the camp that Southwest shouldn’t apologize.  Fat people on airlines infringe on my rights because they pour over into my seat and I have to be uncomfortable.

Wake up, man.

It’s not easy carrying weight.  It’s not easy having people look at you and go gross. Fat people try to suck it in on a plane as well.  You have to buy two seats now.  And I’m single.  Every time I travel, it’s like I’m taking an imaginary girlfriend around.

You know how sad that is?

Just consider what Kevin Smith did.  Be proud of him speaking out against a company.

Now if you’ll excuse me.

This hot pocket isn’t going to eat itself.