5 Reasons Why Google Buzz Will Fail.

Photo by Danny Sullivan

Today, Google launched “Buzz”, its major strike into the boobs of social media.

Listen, friends. Listen.

Hear it?

That’s the sound of every social media maven, guru, cowboy and expert convulsing in tantric release.

They’re ready to call this the “Twitter killer”, the biggest threat to Facebook, a “social media revolution.”

They’re ready to speak about it at your conference immediately.

Hilarious.

I may not know much about anything else in life. Employment. Cleaning my toothbrush so my mom won’t yell at me anymore. Women.

But I know social media up the ass.

Forget how I worded that.

Here are the five reasons why I think Google Buzz will fail.

1. The Name Isn’t Lame Enough.

Look around at the networks you use. The names are devastating.

Omg you guys. Seriously. We should make like a book full of faces.

I totally want to drive my feed into all of my friends.

I just yelped!

Boom.

Names.

People love lame names for their social networks. ‘Buzz’ isn’t lame-cool. It’s the name of your uncreative neighbor’s Rottweiler.

2. It Has Too Much Shit.

We like social networks that are simple.

Twitter. 140 characters. Simple home page. Put up one picture. Nobody needs you to start creating.

Facebook. A little more. But in the end, just your picture and the horrible shit in your life.

That’s it.

With Google Buzz, crazy things are happening.

GPS coordinates.

Really.

There’s a chick on my Facebook who spirals into confusion when I poke her.

You think she needs GPS mapping?

3. Social Networks That Work Don’t Need Fancy Press Releases.

Or press conferences. Or mentions on CNN.

I want to be part of a social network that doesn’t have a PR department.

Does that make me medieval?

4. It Doesn’t Appeal To My Alarming Vanity And My Even-More-Alarming Insecurity.

I need the pain of having someone unfollow me.

Then I need the joy of having a super hot chick follow me.

Then I need the pain of knowing the super hot chick is actually selling teeth whitener.

Can you do that Buzz?

I thought so.

5. The Social Networks We Love Start From The Grassroots.

When Facebook and Twitter began, they were just a bunch of dudes throwing some shitty site out there. But from that small start, just a bunch of random people starting small, people bought in. They grew the network.

The people did.

Twitter, Facebook even YouTube exploded because they were unknowns becoming knowns.

Google is an established player trying to find venues to sell more ads.

That’s not very grassrooty.

Grassrootish.

Whatever that word is, that’s what they’re not.

There you have it. You probably have other, more hurtful thoughts on Google Buzz.

If you would like to shatter me emotionally on Twitter click here.

If you want to poke my hot body on Facebook, click here.

What’s your prediction on the future of Google Buzz?


  • Today, Google launched “Buzz”, its major strike into the boobs of social media.

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  • And your prediction came true.  Today, I got notification that Google Buzz was shutting down in my gmail account.

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  • Bflirty

     FlirtyDivaTees loves Google and any old thing they do. They're awesome for us because we show up everywhere, could we ask for anymore? 

  • Passing by

    I cant even understand the difference between google mail and buzz and then their was this wave?? what happened to that? And the orkut link is still there on google page. Isnt that contradictory? what is Google saying? Face it Google is just not good at social networking. Those Social networks thrive which are clear cut in their functioning. Like Yahoo messenger, its 100 years old and still going on.

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  • Killgod123

    gaf

  • Johnfreeman

    I would have loled if you guys put the buzz share thing at the bottom even though we were talking about how it fails

  • I am already using Google profile http://www.google.com/profiles... and Google Buzz. Both are clean intelligent and well done. This article here has non-sense

  • Kaley Paige Calypselle

    OK i was lmao when i read this. I don't think buzz will fail tho. I just dont think it will become the next big thing. i mean u have 2 have a gmail email 2 access it, and it is kind of, well, public. i do think, however, that it is a great feature that lets you connect with family and friends without having to spend 30 minutes writing an email. it is a quick, easy way to share events, news, videos,etc. without going through the hassle of creating an email that only a few people will take the time to read.

  • I found this page by Googling "google buzz fail" because I believe that it's completely failed. The only good thing about it is being a better way to share Google Reader items. All the other stuff is just duplication, either follow on Twitter or Buzz or Facebook but no need for 2 or 3. Also and forces us to use Gmail. I've never successfully persuaded anyone to use gmail because they already have an email account. It looks shit too.

  • Dare Bear

    ...I really like your post dude...But I don't think Buzz will fail! XD And Buzz can do 4! You just never know if the chick/dude is ACUALLY hot or not....Just like twitter! XD! But I might just be saying these things because I have a Gmail & a Google Buzz...BUT ATLEAST YOU CAN CHECK YOUR EMAIL AND BUZZ AT THE SAME TIME! CAN TWITTER AND/OR FACEBOOK DO THAT!?

  • I especially love how there isn't a buzz share button! Buzz is a bad idea, but wave however would have been great if it wasnt so underdeveloped. They should have marketed that as an advanced instant messaging service.

  • Well, then by your analysis, I guess lazy narcissistic idiots like you and the users you described here won't want to use this and stick to more simple things like twitter.

    Then they can talk about their boring loser lives and pretend to be important, just like people who feel the need to blog......

    At least Google is trying to appeal to more advanced users, rather than lazy narcissistic idiots that are the downfall of our fair society :(

  • I'll give you a reason it won't fail..

    Because they've successfully trojan-horsed it inside of gmail.. a brilliant move and it's working. screw the name.. that's not what matters!

    That said, I do like reason #5.. but come on, it's Google!

  • ewrewr

    Gay

  • anitacrawfordclark

    What's all the BUZZ about? Now I have to investigate Google Buzz just to see what it is and/or what it is not. This article has been tweeted 700 times and has over 50 comments which shows it has created a BUZZ! Lol.

  • #4 is already happening

    my take on why it may or may not fail http://thetrendingtopic.blogsp...

  • Ted

    Fascinating to read about your issues with with (or without) women.

  • adameros

    Whatever. I like Buzz and I'm using it.

  • John

    Just read this article after seeing the link from someone I'm following on Buzz....if that means anything.

  • missrobbbyn

    Oh Jobo. You're so original. No ones ever struck him with words so cruel and mean before. Bravo, for your original taunts. Bravo. ;)

    As for your article Dee... I've never even heard of Google Buzz. So... I'm going to look at it. Right now.

    Aaaaaand, It doesn't seem like anything special.You must be right. That is all.

    :)

  • Too soon to tell !!

  • No Name

    It makes me want to gouge my eyes out. They want to 'filter' the noise...all their doing is creating noise. AND, the people that are creating pages, I already follow on Twitter, RSS and Facebook, do I really need a 4th way to read the same thing? I do see benefits in it. (i.e. for business use) but since my friends aren't tech savy and dont even have personal email accounts, I'm thinking I am unfollowing everyone. Its too much. I can't deal.

  • Tim

    Hi, I just read your post through Buzz... sorry

  • John

    It sucks up more of the free space they give you. Adopters will be paying for google server space

  • Maybe they should've named it something along the lines of "Facebuzzitter"?

  • 3 and 5 are basically the same thing, but nice.

  • nic_oliver

    Another issue I have with it:

    If I receive an email and I reply to all, all of those recipients get added to my contacts' list. That will soon get out of hand!

  • stefankrafft

    I guess this is a reasonable outcome of Buzz. But I hope not!

  • jesimpson

    Somebody else mentioned this: from the Google Buzz home page, a "feature" -- Comments get sent right to your inbox so it's easy to keep the conversation going. No freaking way. My inbox (ha, inbox) is already way overloaded, thank you.

  • ShellyKramer

    Why did you tell everyone my confusion about being poked? That was really uncalled for, Dee. Seriously. And I thought we had something there.

  • app

    I'll give you reason #6:

    It just might become cool for smaller, less savory companies (and people) to start using GMail to communicate with their customers (and others), and one little reply from you to any email they send gets them automatically added to your contacts list in GMail, thereby adding that contact to Buzz, where they can have a blast sending out unsolicited messages about products & services....aka spamming you in Buzz.

    I was contacted once by someone that wanted info on how much I would charge to supply him with custom made Blogger templates, in bulk. All I had to do is reply to tell him I don't do that kind of work for hire, and bang, he was added to my contacts.

    Then about a month later he pops up on twitter, friendfeed, and everywhere else I am a member, trying to follow me. It was then that I noticed what he really was: A splogger with 100's of Blogger blogs and spammy scammy websites. I blocked him everywhere, but totally forgot about that email reply I sent him.

    Along comes Google Buzz and this guy and his spammy crap was included in my social circle. Since he didn't use the same name to contact me, I had a hell of a time tracking him down to remove him from my contacts list.

    If you have your GMail address on your site, this is very likely to happen to you, too. The more email you get from "readers" of your blog, the more turds you are going to end up with in your Buzz stream.

    That's a big turn-off to me.

    Before you decide to try Buzz, it would be wise to scan over your list of contacts in your social circle to see what kind of stuff you may automatically end up with. There may be quite a few names you will want to remove, if you receive and respond to a lot of email from people you don't really know.

    http://www.google.com/s2/searc...

    Had I left this guy in my contacts and then started using Buzz, I would have been flooded with all the posts from his 100's of splogs, tweets about his splogs, posts on friendfeed about his splogs, etc.

    While it is easy enough to unfollow someone in Buzz, it could become a real pain to keep having to do it each time you reply to an email from someone less desirable to follow in Buzz.

  • I don't want to shatter or poke you, but can I connect with you on Buzz? That's how I found this post, via a scobleizer tweet that appeared in my Buzz stream. I signed in to comment on this post with my Twitter credentials. Ironic, eh?

  • Noiyo - Thailand

    2 Thumbs up...

    Can't agree more after reading the news this morning and try it myself...

  • Jobo

    Nothing like articles written by 13 year old kids who know nothing.
    Maybe you should have took your own advice when you chose such a rubbish (and ironic) name for your site.

  • what i hate about buzz is that every comment someone i follow gets is one more unread msg in my inbox. annooooying! on the other hand having it all in one place is helpful. Buzz's succes depends on the ones that use it not by who invented it, so will see in time if it is a succes or just another gamorous failiure.

  • Hahaha! HA! - someone talking sense, it might work it might not, but there will be something new tomorrow to entertain us.

  • Guest

    Lay off of the Enter key. Have you ever heard of a paragraph? Damn, son. "I may not know much about anything else in life. Employment. Cleaning my toothbrush so my mom won’t yell at me anymore. Women. But I know social media up the ass." And you're proud of that? You're admitting you're economically useless.

  • juliendl

    Funny!!!!
    but not so objective.
    Even if if you are right on some points (eg: the name) let me give you 1 reason why google buzz can do it
    http://www.google.fr/intl/fr/o...

    Like me, some homointernetus, are just bored to log on 7 differents accounts to do the same thing. With 1 Gaccount you have access to 20 differents, usefull tools. Plus, GBuzz can combine a perso and pro life. FB is focus on intimate life (I often wonder how many couples crashed or got united because of FB)

    And, at the end of the day there is still room for the 2 or 3 giants, it is for the 4th and 5th one that it is becoming impossible to access the playground

    Personnaly I don't have FB but I am glad I have a Gaccount (maybe I like the soul they put on search engine when they decide to leave China)

    p&L

  • edittag

    I can't stop laughing while reading this, cool man!

  • aDi

    I wud really like 2 c wht dis 'buzz' is all abt xactly...
    dey're rolling it out slowly jst like dey did wid gWave...
    i dnt kno y...

    y dnt dey jst go & buy twitter outright?

  • zevik

    "We Love Start From The Grassroots." well - ever heard of Reader?

  • I think all these reasons are very stupid. It's like "I don't like color of your hair"

  • davidw21

    grassrooti?

  • When i can c buzz in my Gmail???

  • technogran

    How about a Grumbling Granny to add to your woes? It's friendfeed in ugly view, that's all. Why can't Google ever make their UI look attractive?

  • somecallmejim

    If I were going to offer a reason it would fail, I would point to the leaders of Google> We've all seen how well they communicate at the social media level with the rest of us. They don't

    Now, compare that to the creators of facebook and twitter. They're out here with us, chattin' it up.

    Leaders set the precedent for the company to follow. 'Nuff said.

  • superjamie

    Mildly amusing social commentary but you haven't really presented any valid points.

    Your "grassroots" theory also suggests that Google will never make anything popular again simply because they are massive. I doubt this.

  • Mike_Force in Twitter

    Write about how Microsoft makes people download full versions of Works that are then thrown away so the upgrade to Office can be accomplished, but there are limited fully useless versions in every system.

    How one must step back in time and purchase past mistakes then throw them away for newer patched up and arrayed individuated (virtual computer OS in OSes) so the computer cannot unless hammered give a blue screen, how there are (a year or so ago) 750,000 different hacks to all the various Internet Explorer variations, how I am not permitted (it is locked in or updowned (instead of updated) so old functioning computer OSes like Paint and Wordpad stop working quite right, a bit each year,

    I have.. five hundred more cons by this genre, nothing against Microsoft they are the central archaic IBM that assumes we will always put up with (see above) crap and crap and then canola-oil-poisoned versions of former foods (oh that is most foods not software).

    The point: "Who sells a rock solid operating system from hardware to internet connection that can do email and browsing and is UNBREAKABLE *software wise*

    Thats what I will look for in future publications from you twit me if you would you lovely bastard.

  • Mike_Force in Twitter

    Nice writing style and fun yet clear I will be seeing tremendous news more now.

  • Given that Google either owns or has access to all this information is kinda scary. They immediately know who my friends by exploiting my address book, and friend list on twitter. We've been trackable via IP for years now, but now you can overlay GPS co-ordinates onto Google Maps, nothing revolutionary here, but Buzz just provides another place where people can do it.

    You're right when you say the other social networks are simpler, but what you forgot to mention is that we have an established friends list on other social networks, to just up and move is just a fat pain in the ass if you're not already using Twitter.

    Using Twitter as an example, I spent ages trying to find a client that was SIMPLE and LIGHTWEIGHT to use. Something that was always open that I could monitor out the corner of my eye, to see people's 160 char messages with a no more than a simple link or photo. Thats when I came across Tweetie.

    Ok, so I'm not really a facebook fiend...well..not at work anyway. Now, with the introduction of Buzz, productivity of employees is gonna scream to bloody hold if your corporate setup uses GMail, this doesn't really hold true if you use social media as part of your business, and this is the only case where it could prove useful, but face it, thats likely to be a small percentage of users overall.

    But I shall spectate and see how this all pans out.

  • Funny stuff. good write up!
    I can't understand the anger of some people here (AlxRodriguez, Oh well, Charleslang)?
    geez

  • Who's angry? I just voiced my opinion, buddy.

  • Good job in throwing up a post to call attention and drive traffic. You achieved it with me. I only wish your reasons weren't as superficial and poorly thought out...

  • Google is just testing a new way of expanding its ads So, if the actual members of facebook, twitter, or either myspace and hi5 changing for buzz(ers) it will sound like a bad joke but the all social networks will desapear from map and neither google gps will be capabel to find them!

  • "bzzt!" That's my first status on the G spot. " " That's the response from the 19 people in my gmail address book. Just like when I got on the Wave. At least Mashable will join me.

  • It's not going to get cool unless people feel like they discovered it...

  • And I'll tell you why this post will fail:

    -Social media users are too used to the predictions given to them on a platter.
    -Not everyone has the time to process sarcasm and look beyond it.
    -Only the first 3 seconds - or 140 characters, whichever finishes first - of your message will be driven home. The "Not!" at the end falls outside that.
    - The title will be taken at face value - and the premise will be assumed to be true.
    - It's clear, concise, and has zero redundancies. Redundancies are important (and vital :-|) for people to believe you have more to say more things than you actually do.

    I think I will shatter you on twitter after all.

  • charlieslang

    As a confirmed masochist, I know you enjoy being wrong; public embarrassment is part of your high! The 5 reasons you gave are pretty much assertions that Buzz will succeed, not fail. Social Media Mavens like Pete Cashmore are rushing out to show everyone their Google profile with Buzz; the influencers already use Gmail and have all added Buzz to it before the digital ink in your article dried, and I suspect you already have it too!

  • Spot on, you've nailed it.

  • I was about to lambaste "Buzz" until you wrote this most excellent post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not only did you say it better than I could have, I can go back to finding a reason to use Google Wave.

  • I thought of a new name for it: Guzzle. You owe me millions Google.

  • maybe you're right, fatty.

  • All good points, but fact remains: It's google and a lot of people will use it just because of that. Especially if the mobile version works really well.

  • hit some major points there. in a very hilarious way of course. keep up the good work!

  • Ashley

    number 4 made me giggle. HILAR.

  • katdish

    I've only just heard of this Google Buzz thru you and Michael Hyatt, which as you may have guessed, are my two main sources of reliable social media information. Although I must say, Mr. Hyatt doesn't use the word douche bag nearly as often as you do.

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