The 10 Most Annoying Facebook Applications.

There are several things that annoy everyone.  Clowns, mimes, protruding nostril hair, and those people that open a door for you but you’re still too far away, so you have to speed up to get there, and then when you do they expect you to thank them.

Way to be helpful.

However, allow me to introduce an annoyance that trumps them all.

Facebook Applications.

Spread throughout the facebook world like a ravaging venereal disease, these applications have infested almost every page.  I will grade a few of the many that I despise, and if you are offended (because you own them), delete them immediately.

Shame on you.

1. Where I’ve Been Map

Has anyone ever asked you where you’ve been, and then demand to know every city and country localized on a map?


There’s a reason why.

We don’t care.

But now you can present us with not only every place you’ve been, but every place you want to go.

I saw one guy who had Toronto and Buffalo, NY as the only places he’s ever been.

That’s it.

Just two cities, 90 minutes apart by car.

I applaud you sir, as you trailblaze through life.


2. The Fortune Cookie

“You will find what you seek.”


“You will find what you seek.”

Just saw that—Refresh.

“The one you seek is closer than you think.”

Shit.  Here’s what I seek.  How about a fortune cookie application that yields more useful advice like, “Guys don’t poke other guys on Facebook.”


3. Super Fun Mega Wall

Do you really need another wall?

Are your comments so overflowing they require several walls of video, pictures and music to pay tribute to you?

You know there’s always just that one girl that posts 800 videos of monkeys peeing in their own mouth on these walls, and nobody but her watches them.

You know who you are, monkey girl.

Get it together.


4. Top Friends

I will allow this if I am your top friend.  Your second-top friend.  And also your third.

Actually, give me the top row.

Otherwise, F

5. Graffiti

This would be good if anyone actually had the talent to draw with a mouse.  I tried once, and I produced a vivid skyscape reflective of our tepid melancholy emotions.

Well it would look like that, if you had cataracts.

The point is, nobody has graffiti talent. The art always looks like you vomited out color.


6. Superlatives.

That’s not even a word.



In my head, this image relates.

7. Any Sort of Animal You Raise Application

People come to pet and feed your horrible animal.

Yet, you can’t feed them anything cool, like tequila shots or black tar heroin. It’s always “hay” and “carrots”.


Unless the animal can get ossified in a drunken stupor for our amusement, it’s no fun for me or anyone else.


8. Naughty Gifts.

I don’t even know what this is.


9. Causes.

Calm down.  I know, right now, you’re raising your girl-arms in the air, angry because I’m insulting causes.

I think Causes is a great tool.  You can help charities, you can support vital philanthropic efforts across the world.

There’s just too many.

Also?  When I’m creepily going through pictures of you at the club with your tiny skirt on, and you’re sending me “Let’s Make A Bridge In Madagascar”, I immediately feel like Satan.


Thanks for that.


10. Farmville.  Mafia Wars.  Any new bullshit game nobody cares about but you.

Welcome to the intellectual cancer of social media.

If you’re addicted to any of these games, great.  Just don’t send us crap asking us to “become your neighbor”.  Also?  We don’t care if you just completed a heist in the library.

What does that even mean.

And I like how millions of people want to manage these make-believe farms.

Put any of these people on a real farm and they’re sprinting the fuck out.

Oh, and if you’re offended because you like Farmville?

Leave me your hate in a comment.

Like I’m scared of any dude who runs an imaginary farm.


There you go.

I know many of you will say what’s even more annoying is a dude who has the time to tell us everything that annoys him.  Why don’t you get a life.

Look, I’m unemployed, fat and lazy.

And still live with my parents at 29.

Complaining about Facebook applications is all I have.

Don’t take that away from me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have 289 new notifications I need to ignore.

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