5 Reasons We Love To Hate Spambots.

spambot

We will defeat your super-hotness and offers for affordable teeth whitening.

Dear e77s8ggm,

I hope this letter finds you well.

Well, I’m pretty sure you’re well because in your profile picture, you’re half-naked, and I can almost see your entire area.

No lie?

Pretty hot.

But I can’t let that blur my focus.  This letter has a point.

All of Twitter can’t stand you.

Here are some reasons why.

1. You Prey On Our Insecurities.

The other day I was thinking about the whiteness of my teeth.  Was it the reason why I haven’t been laid since the Clinton administration? Then boom.

Some super hot spambot tells me not to pay for teeth whitening.

How do you live inside the vacant corridors of my mind?

2. You Spam Tragic Topics.

Iran battles for freedom.  Martyrs die.  Innocent civilians are oppressed.

There is an outpouring of emotion on Twitter.

Grief.

Frustration.

Tears.

And SexyKat920 who offers to webcam her ass for 99 cents a minute.

How very timely!

3. You Make Smart People Look Stupid.

The other day I got a DM from someone I respect on Twitter.

Someone who has accomplished way more than I have in life.

So pretty much anyone on your list.

Continuing.

He offered me a chance to get 1000 followers a day using some website.

When I saw this DM, I looked at his nerdy face and said You got fooled by her super hotness, didn’t you?  You’re weak.  You’re a weak little man with girl-arms.  And I can no longer trust you the same way I once did.

So now when he tweets tips on how to use lists to promote my blog, I don’t really give a shit.

He’s been compromised.

4. You Never Die.

After I block and report you to TwitJesus, you just recreate yourself and start following me again.

Where is this factory of super-hot chicks you pluck from?

I think I speak for all guys on Twitter when I say this:

Can we get a tour?

5. You’re Surprisingly Effective.

Nobody will admit this, because we all hate you.  But you’re effective.  We all know about the teeth whitening.  We all know about the 1000s of followers.

Hell, I’ve even been duped into a webcam session or two.

Or 29.

So as much as we hate you, deep down, we know you’re effective.

Nonetheless, SexyKat920’s ass was a disappointment.

There are hundreds of more reasons why we hate you.  Those are just a few of them.

We know TwitJesus will give us more powers to defeat you.  Until then, we’ll just have to co-exist with you.

Accept that you’re annoying.

Accept that you’ll spam us with DMs.

But I’ll never accept that Britney made a video where she’s doing those things.

Or did she?

If she did, then email me.

I have my credit card ready.

Spam me on Twitter here!  Facebook my ass for 99 cents a minute here.