How A Football Player Used Twitter To Make Me Like Him.


I’ll admit it.

I’ve been known to be wrong once or twice.

Thought Michael Vick was a dog person and Kanye West would be gracious.

Know David Letterman?

Seemed asexual to me.


So I’m not that bright.

But when it comes to football players, I find most of them annoying..  They’re usually arrogant and theatrical.

I think this stems from the fact that, growing up, I was always picked last for every football team.

Worse, I was sometimes looked over.

As in, they pretended I wasn’t there and started the game without putting me on a team.

But I was there.

I was there.

That was a bit unsettling.

To my point now.

I held a special disregard for one player, Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals.


The player formerly known as Chad Johnson.

His name is now Ocho Cinco.

I’m serious.

He always over-celebrated and talked a lot of trash.

Then I noticed what he did on Twitter a few days ago.

Take a look at this.


Did the dude just tweet where he was going to dinner?

And dinner was on him?

Being a manfant who is mired in hilarious poverty, if I were in Cincinnati, I would definitely go to this.

I’d bring kiwi fruit for him, because really?  Who doesn’t like kiwi fruit?   I’d ask him if he could give me a piggy-back across the restaurant.  Then we could recreate the final scene to Les Miserables in e-minor.  I’d win him over by song.

By song.

Chad Ocho Cinco Johnson would be my friend.


You win this battle, Ocho Cinco.

But take a look at the pictures.  The dude really did it.


OK, so diregard the fact that everyone seems happy except him. Would you be happy taking a picture with a dude wearing a Hooters shirt from Baltimore? Exactly.


Is that guy wearing his house keys on a chain? I think he- He is! I do that too dude! Let's be electrical friends.

Just for proof, he even took a picture of the bill.


Yes. We've all seen the size of these fans. Nobody drank that Diet Coke.

I know some of you might say:

Oh whatever.  The dude was probably paid by the restaurant to do this.  Also, who was the asshole who ordered the steak?  What a dick.

I know right!?  I totally thought that too.

Even if Ocho Cinco was paid, it’s still cool.

I don’t see many celebrities buying fans dinner and then tweeting the experience.

The dude had to actually be there.  He had to actually interact and talk to these fans.

Picture for a moment how exhausting that sounds.

Good for you, Ochocinco. I am now a fan of you.

Unless you don’t like kiwi fruit.

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