Local Hospital To Tweet Baby’s Delivery At Midnight.

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I finally have news.

It’s only taken, what, six months?

Some news site I’ve got here.

Tonight, at midnight central, the OSF St Joseph Medical Center in Bloomington, IL will tweet a real “birthing experience”.

Live.

So basically, this lady will give birth.  Then someone who witnesses this birth will give all of twitter the play-by-play.

How very tremendous.

If I was ever given that job, here’s what I’d tweet.

12AM: Okay I’m sitting here with this pregnant lady who’s all mad at her shithead husband.  And her husband’s crying.  Ha.  Loser.

12:25: She looks ready to pop this kid out.  But she’s still just laying there.  Really?  Could you take any longer?  Golden Girls are on in 5.

12: 45: She’s screaming now and some nurses are injecting her with some shit.  Also? I just completed a bank job in #140mafia.

12:55: OK now she’s all shrill-screaming.  She’s at an octave between the horror-of-seeing-your-cat-die and Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know”.

12:56: FYI I don’t actually like Alanis.

12:56: Fine.  Her music makes me cry.

1:15: OK some crazy shit’s happening and she’s all pushing and yelling.

1:25: She just asked the doctor who that fat, terroristy-looking guy is typing on his laptop. (yay me!)

1:28: More screaming.  I’ll go in for a closer look.

1:29: OH FOR THE LOVE OF…is that?…oh dear god…REALLY?  HOW IS THAT HUMAN?

6:59: OMG you guys!  I fainted! lolz.

That’s just me.  I’m sure the actual staff at this hospital will be much more accurate and non-offensive.

You can follow the live birth here.

You can follow me here.