No Offense But This Twitter Search Is Gold!

Old_couple

According to some, this couple has a 'sickly sweet' smell to them.

I’m a pretty good student of Twitter conversation.

Which is good, because I sucked as a student of anything else.

I still don’t know why we need to cosine anything.

And tan?

What does that even mean.

But I understand Twitter language.  I know how to delve deep into the underbelly of Twitter, to the places where you will never be seen, and pluck out gems.

Here’s a lesson.

When someone starts a sentence with I don’t mean to be rude but..it means they want to be rude.  The disclaimer?  That means nothing.

No offense but..

Same thing.

It’s like, in some bizarre way, we think that just dropping the disclaimer allows us to say anything.

I’ve done it.

You’ve done it.

These people below?

They’ve done it in public.

Enjoy.

No Offense But…

nooffense1

Declaring sexual orientation on Twitter makes it official.

Called it.

No erasies.

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The vintage version is for lumberjacks who wrestle elk.

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Well duh.  Like we didn’t know that.

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Yeah Matthew Mcconaughey and Kate Hudson.

Work on that.

nooffense5

Okay.  Now read your last name.

Thanks for coming out.


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I can deal with a vagina, but I’d be pissed if I ever had fallopian tubes.

I feel like anything with the term “tubes” without an exact specification to how many I have, can’t be good.

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Anyone else feel like she’s talking about a couple in their mid-30s?

Still gross!

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This should amplify tourism.

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Yes!  I’m sure she won’t be offended.

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Don’t worry.  They urk each other too.

I Don’t Mean To Be Rude But…

dontmeantoberude1

I know right!

dontmeantoberude2

I’ll DM you later for your secrets, madam.

dontmeantoberude3

Hmmm.

dontmeantoberude4

Does anyone else feel like this is bang-on?

dontmeantoberude5

I don’t know what this means.  But I like that he addresses it directly to Diddy.

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I just wished I could have seen the answers to her poll.

dontmeantoberude8

Um.  Excuse me?  They ride bulls.

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Ladies?  You heard him.

dontmeantoberude10

I just like that username.

How To Use It In Conversation..

dontmeantoberudelast

And that’s how you don’t pick up on Twitter.

Follow me here.