The 5 Worst Marriage Proposals Ever.

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Look, if dudes have to sit through an entire article on marriage proposals, the least I can do is offer them this.

I’m not close to getting married.

Shocked?

Pretend you’re shocked.

I am fascinated by the way people propose.

If it were me, I’d propose in an intimate setting.  Maybe at a vineyard or something.  I’d be romantic and arrange a beautiful picnic out in the countryside.  We’d have wine, me and my super hot girlfriend, and just lay there and watch the sun slowly dissolve into the horizon.

I’d look at her.

She’d look at me.

Eyes uniting, souls together, nothing would feel greater than this love.

Then.

Just then.

Six Oompa Loompas situated in various tree tops would emerge, swing down on ropes ninja-style, do triple front-flips and land around us.

Circling us now.

They form a human pyramid and the head Oompa Loompa, which I’ve named Gary, will drop to the ground and pull the ring from his tiny-tiny trouser pants.

That’s where I’d ask her to marry me.

I know.

Oh, I know.

You’re turned on.

ompa lumpa menbbb

Think about them in ninja outfits. I know right!? How cool would that be.

Here are five real wedding proposals.  You can pick which one you think is the worst.

1. The Guy Who Proposed At A Cemetery.

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The guy took his girlfriend to a cemetery.  He told her he wanted to drop flowers off at his mothers grave.

When they got there, he went down on one knee.  Pointed at two plots of land.  And said.

I’m not making this up.

He said.

“I bought these two plots for us.  I want to be buried next to you.  Will you marry me?”

My take: In a bizarre way, I think some chicks will love this.  They’ll think it’s romantic.  But really?  It’s morbid and lame. A cemetery?  Please.  And why buy the plots of land?  Just point at some grass and tell her you bought it.  That way, if she says no, you don’t have to ask for a refund.  Work smart, kid.

2. The Guy Who Proposed While Hiking And Nearly Killed His Girlfriend.

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This one just happened a few days ago.  A young man took his girlfriend hiking.  He proposed to her, she got excited and fell off a cliff.

She lost consciousness and had to be rescued by helicopter.

My take: This one’s actually romantic until the chick had to ruin it by falling.  Way to make it all about you, honey.

3. The Guy Who Left The Ring On Dog Doody.

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A couple lived together and had a dog.  The dog made a doody in the backyard.  He asked her if she could clean it.

When she got there, there was a ring sitting on top of the doody.

He was behind her and proposed.

My take: Love it.  Because now, if I propose to a girl I can– Why are you laughing?  Excuse me?  It could totally happen.  There’s gotta be a chick that can put up with my off putting personality.  Right?  Lie to me.  Lie to me and tell me there’s a chick out there that can put up with my off putting personality.  Anyway, if I propose to a girl and she’s like “this proposal sucks ass”, I can just say “oh yeah?  At least the ring’s not in dog doody.”  That’s why this proposal is good.  It helps other guys.

4. The Guy Who Orchestrated a Fake Police Raid On A Boat.

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An attorney in Baltimore took his girlfriend on a boat.  Then, a police helicopter arrived and officers boarded the boat looking for something in a raid, scaring the crap out of his girlfriend.

What did the police find?

A ring.

Also, the attorney had to apologize to the city of Baltimore for the situation, which used police officers who didn’t have permission to be involved in the stunt.

My take: This one is cool, but the cops should have shot up the sky with AK-47s and launch grenade launchers.  Blow some shit up, you know?  Like Die Hard.  Then after all the smoke clears and she’s all crying and scared he could be like “honey, that was all a joke.  I wanted to show you how explosive my love for you is.  Will you marry me?”  And then she’d like laugh and giggle and stuff and marry him.  That?  That right there?  That’s called being romantic.

5. The Guy Who Proposed Using Banner Ads In Social Media.

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Right now, some social media nerd is downloading this image to use in a power point presentation.

A guy has created a “viral” campaign on the Internet to convince his girlfriend to marry him.  He’s doing it by placing banner ads on websites and having people on Facebook and Twitter campaign for him to convince his girlfriend, Dalila, that marrying him is the right thing to do.

My take: A lot of you are probably here because you wanted to read about the proposal that used social media.  Really?  Because that’s devastatingly nerdy.  I like this one.  Use the Internet.  Chicks love that.  I think, if he were smarter, he could have just sent an evite to their wedding.  And have her as the only guest and then just wait until she clicked Attending.  That’s how you rock.

There you go.

You might have some more to add.

Tell me which one you think was the worst.

Tell me which one you think was the best.

Actually, I already know which one’s the best.

Ninja oompa loompas.

Thanks.

Follow me on Twitter here.


  • Interesting blog and I like the The Guy Who Proposed Using Banner Ads In Social Media.

  • Jones

    Went back to the boyfriends house, it could have been brilliant his house is an old brick cottage (200years old ) he has a fireplace wood floors so had he made the effort it could've been very romantic. He went next door to his parents house , I got fed up went to bed. Had to tidy his room somewhat to get to his bed. He eventually came in gave me a parcel with a box in there was a ring . He'd bought a few weeks ago. He travels for work and had bought it in Ireland. He then holds up another envelope telling me its from his ex gf. Spends the rest of the evening talking about her and why she had returned a necklace by post. My issues were first we had discussed getting married , we discussed rings , he showed me what he liked, ( modern swirly things) I showed him what I liked (traditional simple) I didn't want an expensive ring. We looked and both agreed on a compromise of what we liked. The ring he got me was what he'd picked out originally .( way before he went to Ireland) the ex gf. She seems to be a constant in our life. They had on off relationship and she used my bf as an emotional rag, would go home with him if she couldn't pull anything else. And last he made no effort to tidy his house/ room. Made me feel I wasn't worth the effort.

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  • The Ring On Dog Doody was that guy out of his mind. This one is the worst ever idea to purpose anyone

  • Mlimoges2004

    my daughter's recent 'ex-best friend'...(I'll explain that one in a moment) received a marriage proposal from hell.  She was awoken from her sleep and told by her boyfriend that she had horrible morning breath and should go brush her teeth immediately.  She hesitated and he again told her that her breath stinks, so she begrudgingly and half-awakened went to the bathroom to appease him...only to realize after a moment or two there was an engagement ring on the toothbrush....wow...classy, romantic and germ-fighting all at the same time!  When my daughter (as a true best friend would) told her what a loser he was for thinking that techinique was anything but loving, caring and sincere....well, you know the rest. 

  • I love the one about banner ads on Facebook, the hiking one is good one, but i must say the girl ruined it all.. poor boy! and i would have definitely said no and have thrown away the ring, if my man would have done the doody thing!! Nasty!!

  • Would have loved to see any of these in vids. Tho the social media banner thing wasn't even funny, in my opinion. That's just lame.

  • barbara

    how about the guy who proposed with his ex girlfriend's ring that she'd actually been wearing?

  • ninja oompa loompas just sealed the deal for me.

  • Kate

    Attending.

  • Chaserz95

    Reminds me of the time this guy purposed to his gf on the big screen at a basketball game and she slapped him across the face and stormed off.

  • Hayley

    that was a prank it was on the t.v show pranked too it was one of the host too

  • I don't know, a nice ring in a pile of shit sounds kind of...artistic?
    I'll retort with how to keep the guy once you've got his proposal: http://www.superblogettes.com/...
    If nothing else, it's worth clicking on to see the hot megan fox picture ;)

  • Lobsterdom

    This article is like watching a breakfast TV sofa interview of Jean-Claude van Damme: You know it's great hearing him talk about Christmas and how his dog gets excited by the sound of carollers outside, but what you think the whole time is how he could kick the face off the presenters if he wanted to.

    Thus it is with TN- I laughed like a twat at the whole "sunset-with-oompa-lumpas" thing. And it leaves you thinking..... This man could toss off (yeah, get it out of your system) a novel, or a particle physics thesis in the blink of an eye!!!! BRILLIANT.

  • LMFAO.... dog poop proposal was the best... classic

  • Haley

    I win. So my ex....he proposed with a ROCK. Literally, a rock. Like, a stone. That he found a few minutes before he proposed. He cried. I didn't. He was TOTALLY drunk, and the worst part? I said yes. Thank God I came to my senses before he had the chance to buy a real ring...on second thought...

  • I find your facination with the oompa loompas a bit creepy. Yeah, really.

  • ThatGirl

    I think after the dog one.. I giggled the whole time through. Don't get me wrong, it's all fucking hilarious.. just something about the word "doody" that makes me giggle like a bitch every single time.

  • serena

    um well, once man pretended to kidnap his girl as she was leaving her work at a hosital (she was a nurse). she was tied, taped, blindfolded and stuffed in the boot of his car. his plan was to drive her to the top of a cliff, where champaign, roses, chocolate and a ring would await, he would swifty release her from the straints and allow her to be swept away by the romantic scenery. She was painfully hysterical, and ended up hitting her head against the car roof- rather badly (but he didnt realise untill he arrived at the location). she was bleeding, crying and shaking. he found out that this had happened to her before (but for real) where she had come close to being raped. that night, he had to calm her down which took very long. in the end, he mustered to courage to propose and she accepted- go figure.

    i honestly dont know why he thought of such a plan, as it was void of any romance, or heroism- as in the end all he did was kidnap and scare the girl! why the grand plan had to include a kidnap i am not sure? there was no point...!?

    i am this girl byy the way. the proposal was now 3 years ago. we have been happily married for 2 years :) although the plan was crude and scary, and slightly illigal, i was enchanted by his...well, im not sure. i ust think the stupid side to him is cute.

  • norean

    people are nuts

  • Thought the cemetary proposal was horrid, then I read the doggy-doo one. Worst one, hands down.

  • love the ninja oompa loompas. i wish i would have thought of that

  • Jamie Fredrickson

    LMFAO! Very interesting, Ninja Oompa Loompas, lol. I like the e-vite idea, lol. Wouldn't work for everyone though. "You dumbass...of course I would attend our wedding!" (Think Blonde, lol) The cemetery one is sweet, but wouldn't work if she wanted to be cremated! LMFAO!

  • I like the last one proposing through the social media. :)

  • Ninja Oompa Loopmas. Yes! Wow! You're going to marry such a hottie with ideas like that, dude!

    The poop one is far too nasty for me.

    I don't even plan on getting married. I'm just going to enjoy saying "we've been courting for [number] years". At the 50th I think we'll have dinner in a food court.

    Keep on keepin' on, bro! :D

  • Dani4a

    Oh my God. I would marry a complete stranger if he had the creativity to propose with ninja Oompa Loompas. Amazing.

    Ravage me?

  • I was going to comment on the lousy Apple event that just went down.
    But your talking proposals of marriage
    Who you kidding?
    That sounded mean, sorry
    I am sure there are many woman just waiting for a shot at You!

    I'll move along and try to find a more suitable spot for my Apple rage!
    Good day sir!

  • faizanq

    Haha love them all... Although I must admit, yours is the best one! ;-)

  • Staying on theme, here are my 5 most romantic places to propose: http://bit.ly/1a2yb5

  • Danita

    tremendously amusing...the pics make the article :) oh, and i'm with ya on the ninja loompas.

  • Bartokomous

    Oompa Loompas? Really? Only you could come up with a marriage proposal incorporating Oompa Loompas into the mix. That takes talent. I'd avoid telling your mother this 'special' idea of yours. She would probably slap you accross the head and tell you thats why you're still single.

  • Anything involving ninjas or oompa loompas is great, but oompa loompas that ARE ninjas! Stroke of genius! Can't figure out why you're still on the market.

  • mcangeli

    The evite one is a good one.... I went old school and proposed after the Christmas Eve Vigil Mass.....

    Though, the Ninja oompa loompas would have been good...

  • bethwarren

    I'm shocked you didn't include the fake Disney proposal. The dog poop ranks higher. Just sayin'.

  • Whiskeygirl0219

    how about my boy is deployed in afghanistan and all i get is a box with a ring.... no note, no call, nothing just a box with a ring....

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