7 Examples of Tree Porn.

I consider myself to be a writer.

I deftly craft articles my readers enjoy.  I pilot, through prose, literary adventure.

Also?

I like bum trees.

Trees that look like bums.

So I have arrived at a vexxing decision.

Do I stay true to my moral compass, and not post pictures of bum trees?

Or do I do what I feel like I need to do.  What I’m required to do.

The task that my creator, He-Man, has assigned me.

Your loyal readers that enjoy your writing will lose all respec..

They’ll think less of…

They’ll…

Forget it.

Thank you.  Let’s get started.

penistree

Boom.

I know many of you are saying to yourself, how dare you affront me with this to begin your post.  I wanted to be eased in with a nipple tree first, and then maybe a bum tree.  Then.  And only if I’m ready, then maybe a penis tree.

Too bad, sweetheart.  This is how I roll.  Look at it.

Look at it.

Look at the big penis tree.  You know you can’t help yourself.

Ha!

You’re so gross.

sex_tree

I like that this image includes a picture of a man who is delighting in the vag-tree.  He is now affixed throughout Internet history as the man who is delighting in the vag tree.  I wonder if he digested that image and then went home to his wife.  Began intimate relations.  Then paused.  Examined her area.  Said:

Really?  That’s not that impressive.

Also?

I can picture him wearing his tiny hat while doing it.

Ha! Just kidding.  You're still in the dark.

This one takes a little guess-work to understand. But if you’re unsure, think about what you use to type on your keyboard.  Then think about what other activities you could deploy them for.

Still not sure?

Fine.

Hover over the picture and I’ll tell you exactly what it is.

hermaphadite-tree-1

This one’s cool because it’s neither for nor against penises.

Or vaginas.

Call it in between.

sextree

Well hello there!  That’s a little forward.  I mean, I can imagine that one tree on the left was just minding her own business looking all hot and the tree on the right was like yeah, you know you want it. And the tree on the left was like, uh no I don’t pal.  At least not with you. And then finally, one night she got all loaded and became super easy and then…

Oh.

Yeah.

Like you weren’t thinking that.

From Byron Bay

This nerdy tree is ready for action but wants to be fully protected with a CDC-approved latex condom.

Unfortunately, nobody will ever want him because he’s way ugly.

And a little creepy.

With major BO.

doggytree

Tremendous!

There you go.

Now go back to your daily activities and pretend like you weren’t just amused by seven trees in graphic positions.

Shame on you.

I’ll be here looking at bum trees.

—-

Follow me on Twitter for tree porn alerts here.

dee@tremendousnews.com


  • Name

    Fantastic array of nature pics. You wont see those in National Geographic!

  • Whahaa, laughing my fucking ass off, that was hilarious!

    • Ilyas128rtpcr

       ALLAH is great.that how can tree penis.just amazing

      Malak ilyas from Pakistan kohat university

  • mak

    the last pic looks highly unlikley by nature.. must be a man's work

  • LOL! Good stuff here.

  • norean

    where the heck do u find this crazy s*%t?. i think i broke a rib laughing so hard at this!

  • corimic

    The mother nature wanted to have some fun when she made those trees but I whould like one in erectie

  • corimic

    The mother nature wanted to have some fun when she made those trees but I whould like one in
    erectie

  • Oh my god. So perverted, haha

  • um why i am aroused? where is this little garden of iniquity? is it open after dark?

  • Tell me, have you been surfing the cheezburger networks again? Specifically the “Things That Are Doing It” part? you know at http://thingsthataredoingit.com/ ?

  • Cool Joseph

    where did you get all this stuff

  • dafuq

    what the fuck was this shit article, never saw so much faggotry shit crammed into an asshole that is your article.

  • dafuq

    what the fuck was this shit article, never saw so much faggotry shit crammed into an asshole that is your article.

  • Mark

    is it wrong my dick got hard as a tree watching this???? ripping straight thru my boxers?