5 Things To Know Before Watching Inglourious Basterds.

by Hyacinthe Raimbault

Quentin Tarantino.

Brad Pitt.

Tremendous News.

Could your weekend get any better?

Don’t answer that.

I’m excited about Inglourious Basterds.  It has been quite a while since I screened a talking film.  I’ll be taking four buses to see it.

Here are five things I found while researching this talkie that I found to be interesting.

by Craig Gobler

1. The Name Is Spelled Wrong On Purpose.

Tarantino decided that this would be a stroke of masterful genius.  Perfect.  Because I’ll be damned if I know how to spell.  It took me until I was 22 to learn how to spell “embarrass”.

And we all know that was one word I really needed.

2. Brad Pitt Had ‘Concerns’ About The Ending.

It appears Mr. Pitt was alarmed at the ending.  Since I haven’t seen the movie, I have no idea why.  Maybe something devastating happens like a cameo appearance from Bronson Pinchot.  Whatever happened to that guy?  I feel like after Perfect Strangers, he did some sort of Broadway production.  Right?  I feel like that was it.

Whatever. Balki Bartakamoose rests at the apex of television achievement.

3. It’s Pretty Much All Or Nothing For The Weinsteins.

The Weinsteins are pretty big players in Hollywood township. They started Miramax.  Then they got bought out and bet on a lot of movies nobody has heard of.  Slowly they didn’t have as much money as they did before.

Kind of like when I started a lemonade stand when I was a staggeringly obese boy.

I ran it into the ground by keeping costs high, drinking all of the product, and then swearing at potential customers.

All you saw was a fat kid with moobs lying on the grass, bloated by too much lemonade.

The Weinsteins now.

Their lemonade stand depends on this movie.  If it does well, they’ll be making more.  If it doesn’t, who knows?

Lemonade stands aren’t easy.

4. Quentin Tarantino Wrote The Movie For Brad Pitt To Star.

QT said he wrote the entire role for Brad Pitt.  If Pitt couldn’t do it, he had absolutely nobody else he wanted to play the role.

Which leads to our number five.

By Hyacinthe Raimbault

5. Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarantino Sliced Off A Brick Of Hash And Smoked It Through A Coke-Can While Discussing The Movie.

Tarantino traveled to France to discuss the talkie with Brad.  There, Brad dropped a big-ass brick of hash, sliced a sliver off and gave it to Tarantino, according to QT.  Then they smoked it from a smoking-instrument fashioned from a coke can.

That’s called creative collaboration.

I do something similar but it involves Oreo cookies and FunDip.  Also?  Nothing creative ever happens.

If you’ve seen the talkie, let me know how it was.

I better get going.  If I leave now I can make it in 4.2 hours.