7 Ways To Be As Popular As Porn.

pornstar-viccaYou’re here.

You’ve passed the first test.

The test where you see the word ‘porn’ and don’t shy away.

Thousands of others shied away.

Is that even a word?

Shied?

Checking spell che–Apparently, yes.

I’m so smart!

I started Tremendous News! on February 20th of this year.  It sucks to say that, because on that day, I just uploaded some crap and never really wrote anything until March.

I’d so love to say March.

Screw it.

I started Tremendous News! in March of this year.

In just five months, I’ve made it into the Times of London and the Globe and Mail.  My article last week about how Megan Fox was responsible for bringing down Twitter was picked up on CNN for 3 minutes before they realized this blog is written by a gross-looking fat guy with man-boobs.

Still.

Three minutes!

Last week, a porn producer contacted me.

He produces porn.

He told me he enjoyed my site.

He produces porn.

He asked me how I built a site this engaging.  This quickly.  This fast.

He produces porn.

Porno-ness!

So I told him.

I told him exactly how.  And through our exchange I discovered a vital insight.

Porn is popular without even trying.

I’m mildly, moderately, kinda-not-even popular by trying extremely hard.

So why did he want my advice?

I’m not sure. But I discharged it anyway.  And afterward, I thought to myself: this producer just whored my cerebral cortex like it was nothing.  That’s not fair. I should at least share this with my readers.

So all this week, I’ll be posting 7 ways you can make yourself as popular as porn.

If you have a blog.

If you have a product.

If you’re just a regular person and want to become more popular because nobody really ‘gets you’.  But really?  We all know that you’re socially awkward and people really do ‘get you’ but don’t like what they see in you so they tell you they’ll call you sometime but they never call.

That’s totally not me.

I’ll begin with my first of seven tips.

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Lose.

One of the key worries when you’re blogging or branding, is that you’ll turn people off.

Look at porn.

Wait.

Don’t actually look. I’m like a paragraph away from ending this.  Then look.

Consider porn.

There’s clown porn out there.  A raging, thriving, growing market segment that enjoys clowns doing stuff to other clowns.

You think the first guy that decided to make clown porn cared if he turned off 99.99999% of his audience?

He cared about the sliver.

He worked on making the best product for that sliver of an audience.  He didn’t care about the rest.

That’s how I craft Tremendous News.

If you’re here for the first time and are offended by me?

Dislike me?

Find man-boobs aestetically displeasing?

You should leave.

Because my 0.000001% sliver?  The people who are here every day.  The people who care.

They more than make up for you.

And that’s how porn builds segments.  They work on building core audiences.  They work on growing them.

They’re not afraid to lose the slightly-engaged masses by capturing the intensely-engaged few.

We’ll end it there.  Join me this week for six more tips.

Because even clown porn wasn’t built in a day.

  • jtnpham

    awwww i'm so glad that i'm in your 0.00000000000001% sliver ;D

  • mola4everyourz

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  • Kashyap

    this is fucking gud….than fucking bad……..

  • I just want to add something with your statement, it's good to have a big breast because its purpose is to attract guys right but the factor that you engage for a transplant, it's not easy as they say because there are lots of factor to be considered and if the transplant is not being well done, there will be a serious damage for the breast.