5 Reasons You’ll Get Hate Comments [And What To Do About It]

baby

When this kid is old enough to type, he'll call me a doofus.

There is nothing more sobering than stating an opinion and having anonymous Internet people shatter you emotionally.

Well.

Maybe sobriety.

But I haven’t tried that in years.

This article is not just for blogging, but I’ll use blogging as my paradigm. You can extract the lessons and apply them to the hate you receive on Face-Twitter-Space or even on your own comments.

I’ll pilot you through the world of hate comments and what you can do about it if you get one.

I’m an expert.

1. You’re Attracting The Wrong Audience.

Sometimes when I write a post, inside my head-hole, I believe that people will automatically get my tone.

They’ll say to themselves ZOMG! Tremendous News is taking a punch at the current socio-political atmosphere of Tajikistan and blending a degree of disarming satire into it. lolz!

I know.

Nobody should ever lolz.

But that never happens.  Sometimes you’ll get a drive-by audience that is lured in by your headline, or because they were referred to your post by a shithead friend of yours.

Then they’ll lace you with their hate.

What to do: Don’t worry. These individuals will never understand you.  They’re confused easily and most of the time, they think they’re on Mashable.  Disregard them as people that will never visit your blog again and will just travel from blog-to-blog as nerdy nomads because nobody will accept them.

2. You’re Taking a Controversial Stance on Something.

In my last post I poked fun at people who turned their Twitter avatar green to express their stance on Iran.

Which, in my opinion, was absolutely hilarious.

This sparked a nerdy outrage which resulted in a few of them lacing me in the comment section.  That’s OK.  I expected and embraced it.

If you take a stance on something.  Anything.  People will disagree with you.

Even though I have solidified myself as the Kim Jong-il of Tremendous News!, this site can be viewed by anyone.  Which means I got what I deserved.

What to do: Don’t be afraid to take a stance.  Although it’s way easier if you’re an anonymous obese dude like me taking a stance on something.  But stand by it, and enjoy the golden shower of hate.

3. You’re Forgetting All Of Your Commenters Names and Like Totally Ignore Them.

I have a pack of commenters that are loyal, nice, smart, and honestly? Way funnier than me.

But I totally ignore them.  I forget all of their names.  I know one dude has a dating blog that’s pretty funny.  Another guy uses his full name with even his super-ethnic middle name.  Um.  I think this other dude is like a daddy blogger or something.

Whatever.

The point is, if I continue to ignore them, these pack of loyal commenters will slowly sour.  They’ll turn on me as readers and comment with I used to be a fan of Tremendous News!  But he’s so into himself I can’t stand it.  I’m immediately starting an Internet rumor about how he has syphilis in his ass.

What to do: I guess you have to engage with these people.  I know.  What a pain in the ass.  To the pack of commenters: you know who you are.  This is me engaging.

4. You’re Forgetting That People Will Generally Dislike You.

I was on a dog walking blog the other day.

Confession.  I type in different blogs into Alexa to find their traffic rank.  When I find one that has a better traffic rank than me, I immediately go to it and unravel emotionally.

So as I was reading How to Walk a German Sheppard in the City and crying all over myself, I noticed that the blog was written by a little old lady.  She seemed really nice.

But in the comments, some dude called her a ‘stupid moron’.

I know!

I’m like, holy poopy pants! That’s totally mean.

But then I realized that people will generally dislike you.  It doesn’t make them bad.  It makes them people.

What to do: Embrace the idea that people will dislike you.  It’s OK.  Not everyone has to like you.  I mean, really? You’ve just spent the last three minutes of your life reading this blog post.  You can’t really have that much going on.

5. You’re Forgetting That People Love To Complain.

People are wired to complain.  So if you spend several minutes crafting a post, expect people to take a look and say how can I complain about this?  In what magical way can I drop an intellectual turd into his comment stream?

Which is OK.  Because it’s not like I’m splicing genes with these posts.  I hear complaints all the time.

You write too much about Twitter.

You’re an idiot for defending Michael Jackson.

Don’t tell hot girls what to wear, we can wear big sunglasses if we want to you idiot.

Can you not clean up after yourself when you watch TV in the basement?  You left the popcorn box open next to the microwave and you didn’t even wash the dishes.  How many friends do you know that are twenty-nine and still live with their—

Wait.  The last one was just my mom complaining about me.

See?

Everyone loves to complain.

What to do: Accept complaining as art.  If they do it well, it’s nice to look at.  Some of my funniest comments are people who take a swipe at me in a funny way.  One guy told me that I should open a social networking site and call it DoucheBook.  Ha!  DoucheBook.

There you have it.

I hope this helps you in your Internet endeavors.

We’ve now come to the end of my post.

Let the golden shower of hate comments begin.

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Follow me on Twitter. I’m much more tolerable in 140 characters or less.

Become a Fan on Facebook. You can combine forces with other fans to crush my emoticons!

Add me to Friendster! Just kidding.  Friendster sucks.  That link just goes to my Facebook page.  Ha.  Got you, nerd.