If You’ve Done Any Of These Things, You Belong To The Twitter Bandwagon.

Even though the post below trashes Twitter fads, I'm totally fine with this.

Even though the post below trashes Twitter fads, I'm totally fine with this.

The Twitter bandwagon is a raging, unforgiving beast.

It’s a bully, really.

If you’re on Twitter, you understand.  When a lot of people start doing something, you feel like you have to do the same thing or be ostracized by thousands of anonymous Internet nerds you’ll never meet in real life.

Makes sense.

To people like me, it’s hilarious.

Let’s pilot through a few of the fads.  If you’ve done any of them, you can sit there and giggle at yourself.

I jotted down some notes on each that I will now present.

Because really?

I’m unemployed.

What else am I doing?

1. The Iran Green Avatar Movement.

As Iran struggled for freedom, the world was abuzz.  The media focused on the riots.  Foreign governments weighed in with tempered stances.  Freedom perilously hung in the balance.  And on Twitter?

People changed their avatars.

To green.

This was great because when someone turned their avatar green, others felt like they had to as well.  Guilt spread virally.  However, a large portion of the people who changed their avatars really didn’t know or care about Iran before the movement.

Quickly!  Change your avatar green for Iraq!

Dude, I’m doing it as fast as I can.  Why do we care about Iraq again?

I don’t know.  But it’s like super trending, dude.  Don’t be such a lame ass.

Fine.  It’s green!  Now let’s force our entire following to do the same thing in this creepy passive aggressive way.

And if you question why they did, they’ll yell at you:

Don’t you care about freedom in Iran?  Why would you hate on the movement, Tremendous News?  We’re trying to make a difference.

Yes because all Iran needs is freedom, some 19 year-old chick from Utah’s green avatar, and hope.

2. The Michael Jackson Avatar Movement.

After Michael died, I was a bit bummed.  Then some old lady from Wisconsin tweeted about Green Bay weather.  I looked at her tweet and was shocked that she magically transformed into Michael in that white suit spreading his legs out like he’s in Penthouse.

Instantly, I had a mental image of this old yenta spreading out in the same pose.

Thanks.

That’s what I needed.

3. You’ve Contributed To Trending Hashtags and Then Encouraged Others To Help.*

If a day gets slow, someone, somewhere says, hey maybe I should tell Twitter my disgusting personal turn ons.  Because my private sexual deviations are perfect for public consumption!

Boom.  #turnons is born.

And #liesboystell and #iadmit and #imsixteenyearsoldandontwitter.

Why does every trending hashtag sound like it was invented at recess?

—-

I know that some of the Twitter bandwagon is reading this.

They’re pissed.

They’ll send me hatemail like they do every day and leave comments like:

How dare you insult us.  Maybe if you weren’t an anonymous stack of newspapers you could have an opinion I care about.

Hurtful, but accurate.

Maybe some of you can add some trends that I forgot about.

I have to stop there for today.

I just thought of a new #turnons I need to tweet about.

And no.

It doesn’t include an old woman from Wisconsin.

——

Hate me here?  Amplify your hate on Twitter and Facebook.

*I actually did this fad, so in complete disclosure, I’m part of the bandwagon.

The lead image is of Alyssa Milano.  The only reason why I still watch Who’s The Boss reruns in my grey wife-beater with mustard stains and burn holes.  Follow her on Twitter here.