I Got Tea Bagged.

This individual appears to excel at XBOX and being a big stupid smelly face head pants.

This individual appears to excel at XBOX and being a big stupid smelly face head pants.

I want to beat up an 11 year old boy named TheChosenOne.

I don’t know much about him. I know he lives in Michigan, probably in a really nice house. I’m guessing he goes to school every day and annoys his friends, teachers and parents. He’s good at being annoying.

I met TheChosenOne while playing XBox 360. We played NBA 2K8, a game I play a lot. In fact, before I played TheChosenOne, I thought I was pretty good. I could do outside jumpers, post up, dunk. I’d even pause the game and watch replays of myself making moves. It was that bad.

Then I went into Xbox Live. This is the option where you can play against people across the world. I met TheChosenOne and we started playing. That’s where it all went horribly wrong.

Three minutes into the first quarter he was beating me by 20 points. I never got a shot off. Then he started taunting me in a way only an eleven year-old can.

I’m gonna teabag your ass! Watch this.

That’s when he took off from the free throw line and dunked on me like I had a team of schoolgirls. I got tea-bagged.

Visualize for a moment, a twentysomething, grown man sitting in his basement with a headset on yelling at a TV. At an eleven year-old. This had to stop.

Hey man, I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have to go. I lied. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Yeah whatever, pussy. I tea-bagged your ass. You can’t handle this shit.
At eleven, he had the florid speech of a poet.

By the third quarter he was beating me 68-12. Twelve points is all I could score. I don’t even take credit for that, because the game starts being nice to you when you lose this badly. Shots that shouldn’t go in, go in.

You like that? Take that. Yeah, you like when I take that shit to your face, don’t you, bitch?

Another dunk on me. Three-pointers. Again, and again.

So, I said, hey man, fuck you and turned off my Xbox. I threw my headset off in disgust. If I ever met TheChosenOne, I swore to myself I’d kick his ass.

Maybe during his recess.

  • Sorry. I’m laughing beside you, not at you.

    Oh, who am I kidding? I’m totally laughing at you!

  • Someone needs to give him a vocabulary lesson! Tea bagged indeed! His momma needs to take that toy away until he learns not to use such nasty terms.
    I was once a school teacher….Can you tell?

  • Age

    Dear god…
    this post could have been written by me.
    So many times i’ve come close to throwing my controller against a wall. Bloody smart ass kids!