The Case Against Cyclist Commuters.

You know and I know its just an email from a Nigerian Banker.

The city of Toronto is planning on spending $70 million to improve infrastructure for cyclist commuters.

Oh dear God.  I can feel this being a post where you rant about stuff like you’re a 70 year-old man.

Cyclist commuters make up 2% of traffic.

Really? Because nobody cares.  Write about leprechauns, magicians.  Anything.  Just not your take on the news.

The annoying 2%.

Why they would spend money to improve the lives of cyclists is beyond me.  I find the whole ‘cyclist subculture’ to be a pain in the ass.

I tried.  People, if you want to be bored into a coma, continue reading. If not, go to cracked.com

I know I may be biased against cyclists because I’ve never really had a good experience with bicycles.  I had to ride my sister’s old bike when I was a kid with those girly streamers hanging out.  I remember my friends telling me that they liked my bike.

Because it went well with my boobs.

I’m a dude, remember.  A dude.

So now cyclists want to have their own lanes?

First, who cycles?  You’re wearing a suit, man.  A suit.  Cycling just makes you sweaty and gross.  When you get to your meeting later today you’re going to have those huge armpit sweat circles.  And is that really appealing?

Take it from me and several of my ex-girlfriends.  It’s not.

If Toronto goes ahead with this plan to inject $70 million for cyclists I’ll be maddened.

It will set a precedent for bike freaks everywhere to take to every city. Soon the entire planet will be affronted by tiny bikes with suit-wearing cyclists and armpit sweat stains.

Take action now.  Take action the only way you know how.

By leaving a horribly insulting comment attacking me personally.

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