Over the weekend, I engaged in an important conversation.
As the elections in India ushered in new hope, as the rebel Tamil Tigers were defeated in Sri Lanka, as America prepared for the onslaught of new H1N1 cases.
I discussed whether a polar could defeat a tiger one-on-one.
And the answer is simple. The answer is so clear that this blog post is moot. That this blog post is trivial. So unneeded.
Much like my entire site.
The tiger would totally kick the polar bear’s ass.
Think about it. What’s a polar bear fighting? A trout? A stupid-ass seal? Those things with the big tusks coming out of their mouth? What are those called again? Walruses? It’s Walruses right?
First, the tiger is used to crushing the cerebral cortexes of hundreds of dangerous animals. Hyenas, jackals, other tigers. Do you know tigers can beat the shit out of other tigers? What’s a polar bear fighting?
During this nerdy argument, one individual raised the point: a polar bear is huge, so it’ll just grab the tiger and crush it. Also, you’re drinking all our beer. Didn’t you bring your own? We specifically said this was BYOB.
He’s wrong. About the polar bear. It’s true about the beer. I’m pretty cheap.
The polar bear would have to get the tiger into some cool headlock or something to crush it. There’s no way that’s happening. Polar bears are slow and lumbering. They can’t maneo- they can’t maneu- they can’t move around fast enough to get the tiger into a suplex. So the tiger would just jump for the polar bear’s throat, squeeze a bit, and boom. Deadness.
Is there anything on this site that has to do with news? How is this relevant to me, the creepy reader?
It’s important because in this argument, I was one of the few who believed in the tiger. I was attacked by individuals who believed in the polar bear. This blog is the only way to collect validation for my outrageously correct viewpoint.
How do you unsubscribe to Tremendous News? It’s really gotten just absolutely unreadable.
Just agree with me.
Or posts like this don’t ever stop.