Synecdoche New York: Two Hours And Four Minutes I Will Never Get Back.

Synecdoche New York is now available on DVD.  Be sure to miss it.

Synecdoche New York is now available on DVD. Be sure to miss it.

I’ve been mind-raped by a movie.

Mind-molested.

Completely and entirely violated in my head-hole.

And I blame the New York Times.

Days ago, I decided it would be prudent to screen an artistic film.  As many of my colleagues and friends frequented hip venues that pepper the entertainment district of my city, I instead, ate pear slices and drank shitty wine.

Oh, and watched Synecdoche, New York.

I know many of you visit Tremendous News! to feast on my intellect as I dissect the most pressing news items of the day.  You come here to retrieve the latest information on the economy, politics, manatees.  I’m flattered.

That won’t happen today.

Today, I have to tee off on this piece of shit movie that the New York Times dubbed “extraordinary.”  Two hours of my life I’ll never get back, a film Roger Ebert describes as a movie “you have to watch twice.”

Yeah.  No.

I think movie reviews are useless.  Every time I read one, I yell this question at the paper:, “how did you, sir, become an expert at movies?”

Most reviewers are pencil-necked nerds that screen films, interview directors at press conferences, and then parade around town like they’re hot shit.  Then they lace into movies they dislike, exalt movies they love and we’re supposed to sit here and value their opinion.

Not anymore.

Synecdoche, New York is about a playwright that works on a play for 40 years and questions his own mortality and women in his life.  That’s really the entire story.  But for two hours, I’m watching this dude craft this play, houses burn down.  People are dead but they’re not dead.  They think the dude’s actually a chick.  There’s off putting sex scenes.  He can walk in and out of the play.  Are you confused?  Good.

That’s only the first thirty minutes.

I’m not going to zone you out into a coma by further extracting details from this horrible creative abortion of a film, but it did get me thinking.

Either I’m incredibly dumb and can’t grasp cinematic artistry or the New York Times and Roger Ebert are screwing with us all.

Either way, Synecdoche, New York was a waste of two hours.

And you know what I could have been doing for those two hours?

I could have wrote about the economy, politics, manatees.

  • van

    dear loser..your boring…why are you such a loser? why do you think your opinion is interesting? you make me vomit blood. you are what is wrong with the human race.

  • Tash120

    Its the biggest pile of sank shit i have ever seen!

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  • Completely and entirely violated in my head-hole.

  • Completely and entirely violated in my head-hole.