Kim Jong-il: The World’s Greatest Golfer.

When hes not launching ballistic missiles to threaten the fragile world security, this man is eagling the back nine.

When he's not launching ballistic missiles to threaten the world's fragile security, this man is all up in your grill, eagling the back nine.

As the world witnesses a renewed aggression from North Korea, many of us forget one thing.

Kim Jong-il, the jingoistic dictator of North Korea, is the world’s greatest golfer.

Many of you don’t know this fact.  Many of you are scratching your noggin right now in perplexed wonder.

This is the type of high-octane fact-finding that we supply here at Tremendous News!  The type of reporting that makes you want to come back.

That, and our focus on manatees.

You’re so weird.

Kim Jong-il was reported to have hit 5 hole-in-ones on his first try at golf.  He ended up with a -38.  On his first try!

Let’s compare that to my first try at golf.

On my first shot, the ball didn’t make it past the women’s tee.  Then my friend Doug called me a “nancy.”  I contained my hurt but inside, I unraveled.  I tried again, and the ball sliced into the woods.  I tried again, women’s tee.  Again, water.  Again, sand.  It took me eighteen minutes of hitting out of the sand until Doug said the foursome behind us were getting pissed so just kick the ball out.  I did.  Into the other sand trap.

Ended up with a +112.

The North Korean press also said that the “Dear Leader”, Kim Jong-il routinely hits 3 or 4 hole-in-ones every time he plays!  That means he’s better than Tiger Woods.  Better than Tiger!

Kim Jong-il beat me by one hundred and fifty strokes.  That is unfathomable.  Is it not possible to fathom that disparity.

Unless you’re Doug, and you’ve seen me play.

  • I tried again, and the ball sliced into the woods.  I tried again, women’s tee.  Again, water.  Again, sand.

  • I tried again, and the ball sliced into the woods.  I tried again, women’s tee.  Again, water.  Again, sand.