3 Reasons Why Women Should Say No To Big Sunglasses.

Away from its natural habitat of shopping malls and Bloc Party concerts, the bumblebee exists solely on Vodka coolers and jello shots.

Away from its natural habitat of shopping malls and Bloc Party concerts, the bumblebee exists solely on Vodka coolers and jello shots.

I’m not a fashion expert.

I find trendy fashion-forward people to be uppity snobs.  They follow whatever popular people wear so they can be the first person in Omaha, Nebraska to wear the latest Ed Hardy’s.

Meanwhile, I’m keeping my pants up with an extension cord.

Regardless of whether you would deem me a ‘fashion expert’, I know what I don’t like.  I know what looks silly.

Massive sunglasses on women?

Silly.

Ladies, if you own a pair, throw them out.  They’re not doing anything for you.  If you’re good looking, you don’t need half your face blocked by huge plastic glasses.

Here’s three reasons why you should just say no to big sunglasses.

1. You’re not flying a World War II plane.

Aviators in the early 1940’s flew planes that sometimes had open cabins.  The wind was fierce and debris would fly into the pilot’s eyes.  For this reason, they needed large, goggle-like glasses to protect themselves.  Many of you do not fly World War II planes, do you?  You’re driving X5’s with air conditioning right?  Unless you pilot that X5 through a swarm of German fighter-jets to protect a bridge in  Arnhem, buy smaller glasses.

2. You’re not driving in a side-pod to a motorcycle.

Back in olden times, people would drive in motorcycles with their partners next to them in an attached side-pod.  These people needed large glasses due to debris and cow-dung that would fly up into their grill while they traveled.  Many times, their large glasses would protect them from cow-dung-related incidents.  However, when they commenced their journey, they were usually ignored by the driver of the motorcycle.  Because I mean really, who’s talking to someone with cow-dung on their face?

3. You do not pollinate flowering plants.

The honey bee features compound eyes that can only distinguish between six different colors.  You can tell the difference between all five Pussy Cat dolls just by their outfits.  Glasses.  Unneeded.

I know that many of you will throw your tiny hot hands up in the air and object.  You will say, “I’m hot and I can rock large glasses and I look totally hot in them.  So whatever, extension-boy-belt-man-with-a-shitty-blog-nobody-reads, I’m going to check my Facebook and then go tan.  Screw you.”

How entirely hurtful.

But you know I’m right.  You know it’s absolutely ridiculous to have kaleidoscope glasses in this day and age and it makes you look silly.  Sunglasses are for your eyeballs.  Your eyeballs.  Not for your upper cheek, parts of your upper-jaw, your forehead.  It’s enough already.  Wear normal-sized glasses and let your face do the rest.  I’m sure you’re appealing enough.

I think I need to end the analysis here.

My extension cord just broke.

Verbally assault me on Twitter here.


dee@tremendousnews.com


  • We need the glasses to protect our sight from those pants falling down.

    But, hey, I'll give you kudos. Funny shit, this.

  • dcs1214

    Couldn't agree more…but have you seen the newest style? They have moved on to sunglasses that look like the free sunglasses given away back in the 90s with the special event written on the side. You know, the black square plastic frames with the neon plastic colored sides? Exactly. Only they buy Ray Bans for $150 to get the same look.

  • pkake2000

    Thank you for offering a good article I read will come back again.
    http://www.shoppingsaletoday.com

  • Kelsey

    Funny! You know what I think is even more ridiculous? People that wear Steve Urkel-style glasses without frames. First, I don't know why anyone would want to wear glasses if they don't need them. Second, when did it become cool to dress like a geek?

    • Kelsey

      Whoops! I meant glasses without lenses.

      (I'm pretty sure glasses without frames are called contacts. haha)

    • Geeks rock.

  • great stuff

  • Classic stuff, and very nicely put.

  • what a relief! i've been trying these on for a couple years now and can't get over being bug-eyed when i do. it kills me to miss out on a trend.

  • what a relief! i've been trying these on for a couple years now and can't get over being bug-eyed when i do. it kills me to miss out on a trend.

  • Zee

    And i thought i'm the only one who find them ugly

  • no decently dressed person would go near big sunglasses today (simply because they were interesting four years ago, now – not so much)
    nor would they they go near ed hardy. ever.

  • Tim

    Brilliant analysis. Don't resemble things you're not. After all, fashion is concerned with limiting clothing and accessories to fixed categories. I suppose if I'm a plumber, I should wear loose-fitting jeans. If I wore anything else, I'd fall afoul of the simple rule so eloquently presented in this article—dress like what you are.

    I suppose the other rule this article presents (though not as forcefully) is that function matters. If we choose to wear sunglasses, they should only cover our eyes, damnit! If they covered anything else…well…that just wouldn't be useful! I suppose the author would similarly attack decorative belt buckles, neckties, and pocket squares.

    I was previously under the impression that modern fashion concerned itself (to a certain degree) with spontaneity and experimentation. I now know differently. Thank you, Tremendous, for clearing that up.

    • Fallidar

      Also wtf is spontaneous and experimental about wearing the same crap fashion accessories as everyobe else?

  • Boom!

    Don't take the michael out of Bloc Party.

  • But wearing big glasses are depending if it looks great to you. But if it looks so great then why would you resist to wear those kind of glasses if it can makes you looks so great.

  • denimesasx

    And it's just a big stupid thing, right? If they will try to charge you up to $ 20 per ticket, you better be damn well leave something great of it. But instead all you get is a headache, and sometimes something to jump off the screen at you. Right?

    Cheap London escorts

  • I like this collection.I think that this sunglasses will suit on my personality.
    Thanks for this idea,I'll share it with my friends.

  • maliububarbosa

    If they select to wear sun shades, they ought to only cover our eyes, damnit! In the event that they covered anything else…well…that would not be useful!

    Motorcycle Accessories

  • Hutch

    stop hating hater, what would you rather have little glasses that look like star trek, stfu big glasses are dead sexy.

  • Christian Louboutin sales

    Very happy to share this article  
    http://www.christianlouboutine
    http://www.coachoutlethandbags

  • opi nail polish

    http://www.opinailpolishonline…  opi wholesale
    http://www.opinailpolishonline…  discount opi nail polish
    http://www.opinailpolishonline…  wholesale opi nail polish
    http://www.opinailpolishonline…  opi nail polish
    http://www.maccosmeticso.com  mac makeup
    http://www.maccosmeticso.com  cheap mac cosmetics
    http://www.maccosmeticso.com  mac makeup wholesale
    http://www.makeupcheapmac.org  cheap mac cosmetics
    http://www.makeupcheapmac.org  mac makeup online
    http://www.makeupcheapmac.org  cheap mac makup wholesale
    http://www.makeupcheapmac.org  mac makeup

  • They follow whatever popular people wear so they can be the first person in Omaha, Nebraska to wear the latest Ed Hardy’s.

  • They follow whatever popular people wear so they can be the first person in Omaha, Nebraska to wear the latest Ed Hardy’s.

  • Lioness

    the person who wrote this is probably just fat and ugly so their face is to chubby to wear large glasses…too bad 🙁

  • They follow whatever popular people wear so they can be the first person in Omaha, Nebraska to wear the latest Ed Hardy’s.

  • They follow whatever popular people wear so they can be the first person in Omaha, Nebraska to wear the latest Ed Hardy’s.

  • nike shox nz women's

    Pick out a vendor with good reputation

    Just like every other money-making industry, you good quality see a lot of software companies selling and claiming that their products have greatly helped a lot of people like you, how impressive their products features are and how they know a lot of stuff concerning the needs of work at home individuals.

  • nike shox nz women's

    Pick out a vendor with good reputation

    Just like every other money-making industry, you good quality see a lot of software companies selling and claiming that their products have greatly helped a lot of people like you, how impressive their products features are and how they know a lot of stuff concerning the needs of work at home individuals.

  • Youe apparently heard warnings adjoin imitations, abnormally from big artist brands and for actual acceptable reason: already consumers apperceive the accuracy about the accumulation margins of artist brands, theye out of business. Our replica watches don aim to be the cheapest on the market. We artlessly aim to accessible the eyes of consumers common to become acclimatized to affordable prices ?it the atomic they deserve for injecting their hard-earned money into the economy. Replica Emporio Armani Newness Chronograph Leather strap are nothing to be ashamed of, with price tags into the thousands. There is a line of distinction between over-charging and robbing that sometimes gets blurred in the luxury watch business. Remember, there’s nothing glamorous about an over-extended bank account and remember, you don’t have to be a celebrity to look like one. Many Americans ask themselves, “Who can afford $6,995 for a Emporio Armani watch?” The sad fact is that this is not even the most expensive one on the market. While they’ve carved out a distinctive niche in the high class luxury market, many people appreciate the style and fashion, without wanting to spend as much money as a used car. [url=http://www.replicascheapwatches.com]cheap replica watches[/url] In short, for daily wear there is nothing more economical than artificial matching accessories available in many colors and styles all over the world in form of online shopping carts and there is nothing more convenient than to load your online shopping cart with economical items to go with your wardrobe while watching TV in your lounge and sipping tea and reveling in the fantasies of the gift wrapped items that will be delivered sometime soon to your doorstep. Before watches were classified as either sporty, luxury, or anything for that matter, all portable timepieces made during the early times were tagged under the category of being luxury watches – as only the rich men and women could afford them. The first designer watches were crafted and created in Geneva, Switzerland (hence, the term Swiss watches). [url=http://www.watchesluxury.co.uk]cheap replica watches[/url] You will easily find all kinds of replica items on the corner of your local street or online stores. As for buying replica watches online, I have something to say. Frankly speaking, with the rapid development of Internet marketing, you can get much convenience online. While you have to face some possible scams as well, thus, it is best to be cautious to avoid getting poor replicas since it’s simply not worth the investment. In order to have a happy shopping experience, you’d better learn something to make sure you get the exact replica from the reliable company. Here I list my personal suggestion as below: But there are ways around it also. If it is a look-a-like without the company logo or name is is not considered a fake or counterfeit. You can sell this legally as long as you don’t promote it as the brand name in question. But, if the item has either the company brand logo or name on it anywhere it is considered a fake/counterfeit and it is VERY ILLEGAL to buy or sell. “If it has the brand name or logo on it, it doesn’t even have to resemble the product to be illegal to sell”.