How To Protect Yourself From The April Fools Day Virus.

I hope you can live with yourself, knowing millions will be infected from the evil after-effects of your brainchild virus.

I hope you can live with yourself, knowing millions will be infected from the evil after-effects of your brainchild virus.

As April Fools Day quickly approaches, evil nerds have prepared a special surprise.  A disgustingly bad computer virus.

The virus is called the Conficker Worm.  I have researched the word “Conficker” to try to understand the history behind the virus.  Actually that’s a lie.  I watched the latest episode of Lost that I had TiVod and ate chips with salsa.  But Conficker probably translates to “really bad shit”.

The virus began months ago and has already infected over 3 million computers.  The virus grants access to your system to outside hackers that can use it to manipulate data, send out spam from your address and plant malicious code.  That’s pretty bad if all you do on your computer right now is creepily monitor your friends new albums on Facebook.

Yes.  They all went to the club last night without you.

So far, it’s been an average virus.  But on April 1, the virus will trigger to become an even more annoying pain in the ass.  It could generate millions and millions of new Internet domains to attack and could cause some outages at thousands of websites.  Or, it could be nothing.  Nobody really knows.

However, Microsoft believes the threat is serious.  It has offered $250 000 to anyone who can find the evil nerds who invented this virus.

Here’s how you can protect yourself:

1. If you’re running Windows, go to this Microsoft page to protect your system.

2. If you’re running Mac, look at you.  You and your fancy Mac is safe from this virus.  You can carry on being cooler than us and drinking your extra-hot, half-soy, half-milk, chocolate-drizzled, extra foam peppermint Mochas at Starbucks.  Because that’s what you do.

If Tremendous News is attacked by this virus, I want you all to write letters to Obama and Bill Gates to make sure they restore it.  Don’t send emails, because that’s just lazy and shows you don’t care as much.  We need you to write actual letters, people.  Like with that feather pen that you dip in the inkpot.  And you let dry.  And then you seal it with that wax you have to heat up.  That’s the type of dedication we need.

We’ll be waiting here watching Lost and eating chips and salsa.