What Newspapers Can Learn From Manatees.

Tremendous!

Tremendous!

As the world of news media burns steadily to the ground, one aquatic beast swims on.

The gentle manatee, slow and hobbled by its own grotesque fatness, can teach the newspaper industry a lesson.

We’re serious.

The manatee is a water animal found in the coastal regions of Florida.  Manatees have no natural predators but they continue to die.  How?

Because they’re outrageously stupid.

Oh dear.  They’re talking about manatees again.  I’m going to TechCrunch or AdAge.  It’s way less creepy.

Fine.  But you’ll miss the insight.  The insight you can apply to your own business.  Don’t you want to be at a lunch meeting at Nobu, where you’re drinking your vodka spritzer with a potential client and say, “you know what’s interesting Tim?  I was just thinking about your organizational footprint, and how you can optimize efficiencies by learning a lesson from the manatee, cow of the Sea.  Do you want to know how?”

Tim, delighted, will say, “fuck yeah I do!”

And then you can sip your tiny spritzer again and say, “hold that thought, big boy.  You’ll have to hire me first.”

Hired.

The manatee, slow and lumbering, has no natural predators.  Yet 50 have died this year alone.  The deaths are all similar.  They see propellers of boats and they swim into them.

Sometimes they are too slow to move when a boat travels by, the boat knocks them on their misshapen head and they fall unconscious.

How very stupid!

Newspapers have had more than a decade to see the oncoming boat of digitization.  They knew information would flow freely across giant social platforms.  They knew it from the very start.

But they let the boat hit them.

When Google News arrived, an aggregate collector of news articles, the newspapers were slow to realize that their information became a commodity.  They didn’t fashion a new model to help them survive.  They saw the propeller.  The propeller of online aggregation of information and said, ‘fuck it.’

Let’s swim into it.

And so they did.  One newspaper after another just published their articles online.  Free.

Well good day, propeller.

If they only looked at the fat, obese manatee.  Cow of our Sea.  If they only looked at that gross, tub-of-lard animal to guide them, they would have learned a great insight.  A revolutionary and refreshing paradigm that is so novel it rivals the thoughts of Drucker, of Ford, of Gates, of that guy who invented the Chia Pet.

Do you want to know the insight?

You do?

Hold that thought big boy.  You’ll have to hire me first.

The staff at The Wyoming Free Press thought they were better than the Manatee.  Now you can find their newspaper exclusively on MySpace.

The staff at The Wyoming Free Press thought they were better than the Manatee. Now you can find their newspaper exclusively on MySpace.

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  • The Optimist

    Hi, I was snorkling today at the Horizon Bay Beach, Naples, FL when I saw a huge, fat animal gently pass me by, about a foot away…. On shore, I was told  that it was probably a Manakee. I was not familiar with this animal.  The cow of of the sea…I am a Taurus, so I take  it s a good sign!

  • The gentle manatee, slow and hobbled by its own grotesque fatness, can teach the newspaper industry a lesson.

  • The manatee is a water animal found in the coastal regions of Florida.

  • As the world of news media burns steadily to the ground, one aquatic beast swims on.

  • As the world of news media burns steadily to the ground, one aquatic beast swims on.