5 Reasons Why Print Media Will Die.

Dont worry people, our newspaper is now a series of Facebook Notes.

Dont worry people, our newspaper is now a series of Facebook Notes.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has announced that it will exist entirely online.  This is the largest North American major daily to make this announcement.

It’s just a blog now.

So aside from the fact that it will have 2, 394, 293 more viewers than Tremendous News!, we’re exactly the same format.  There’s very little difference between the two sites besides style, layout, content, expertise, knowledge and credibility.  But besides that?

Same shit.

Here are five reasons why we`ll see the complete annihilation of print media, including magazines and newspapers.  Maybe even those Jehovah Witness pamphlets you get from those guys who travel door-to-door.  What were they called again?  I forget.  “Awake”?  I feel like it was “Awake”.  Maybe there’s awakemag.com now with interactive new features!  I`ll check that after I finish this post.  Here’s five reasons why print media will die shortly.

1. Why would anyone pay for old news?

If you’re reporting news, that’s exactly what it is.  News.  That means everyone will be talking about it as it happens.  We have a variety of media including the Internet, our phones, that one yenta that lives down the street that won’t shut the fuck up about anything.  You know that plane crash that happened in Buffalo three months ago?  She’s still talking about it.  It’s enough already.

I’m not buying a newspaper for news that I get online in real-time.  Also magazines aren’t relevant because I can get better content online.  Free.

2. Why would we use printed material?

It’s such a waste.  I mean, we have to throw these things out.  Or recycle it.  It piles up, make our houses look awful.  It smells.  Well, maybe that’s just my papers.  I should probably invest in febreeze.

3. Where’s the tailored content?

If you go to my Google news page, I have set up special alerts.  There’s one for midget news.  It allows me to get breaking news in the world of midgets.  Although this sucks because the term ‘midget’ is highly controversial and regarded as a slur.  Which means I get news mostly about Midget hockey.  That’s hockey played by 8-9 year olds.  I really don’t care about that.  I feel like I should change the alert to “little people” but that might bring me news about people like the Japanese PM Taro Aso and the guy from Entourage.  The point is, I can tailor content on the Internet so I can read articles I want to read and dismiss articles I don’t care about.  Like what type of perfume Lady Gaga is launching.  Really?  You’re Lady Gaga.  You’ll be playing at a Cleveland mall in three weeks.

4. Nothing is different.

There`s not much differentiation between news you can get for free from an online source like the Huffington Post, which is free, and the Arkansas Gazette, which isn`t.  Until there is a striking difference between content sources, I`ll just go online to retrieve the information.  Except, I will go to the Arkansas Gazette when I want to read angry reader letters about how hunting season was delayed due to a “red-bellied city-folk that’s queerer than a three-dollar bill.” Because really? That`s great shit.

5. Print Media is slow to change.

For some reason, print media seems to cling to archaic thinking.  They believe that there`s nothing like the “feel of a newspaper.”  Uh, yes there is.  The feel of no newspaper.  Or maybe seventeen thousand newspapers loaded into a Kindle.  Or an iPhone.  The mentality that there`s nothing like the old format is similar to when old people reminisce about old records.  Or phonograph machines.  Or those quills that you dip into ink pots to craft a letter to your lover in the Civil War.  Get over it already.