Why Kindle Changes The World For Dumb People.

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Look, I’m not a big book reader.  I’ll admit it.

I’ll lie to you, though.  I’ll buy a bunch of books to fill my bookshelf.  You’ll ask me what I thought of The Art of War and I’ll tell you it helped shaped my business practices and my paradigm.  Honestly?

Never got through the entire thing.

Kindle 2 is basically an ipod for books.  You can download any book you want and read it on this tiny device.  In a way, it’s annoying because who wants to carry around another device?  It does other things besides display books but you probably won’t use it for that.  If you’re a book nerd, you’ll just use it to read.

You nerd.

For those of us who aren’t book nerds like you, Kindle changes the world.

See, for people like myself, I always use the same bullshit excuse when people ask me if I read.

I don’t have time to read.

That’s a lie because if I recall what I did this morning, I know I went through seventeen spam emails, read each one, then played a little XBOX, then got ready for work, shaved, used some new type of after-shave balm lotion cream thing that’s supposed to revitalize my skin but really, it actually didn’t do anything and I was left with this weird red mark through the — shit.

The point is I have time to read.

I just don’t because I get distracted by television, the Internet, my AfricanAmericanBerry.  Just everything.

But Kindle reads to you.

The Kindle will read everything!  Suppose in the morning, you download a book on how to cook lobster.  Then you download a few newspapers.  Maybe a blog or two.

Bring your Kindle into your car, it’ll wirelessly sync to your car radio, and now you’re listening to all of those things.  You get to work reading without having to read.

Dumb people?  You still here?  Excellent.  Look at you!  Reading all the way until this sentence.  I’m so proud of you!

For you guys, this is like the vaccine when you’re dying of polio.

Shit, I have to dumb it down.

This is like when a bartender will serve you vodka shots even after last call.

Dumber still.

This is like gas for your car when you run out.

This is …good.

Dumb people around the world.  The ones who dont read at all, or pretend to read but don’t, like myself, are going to be rescued by a device like the Kindle.  We’re going to be able to hear books.  We won’t need to buy the audiobook, we’ll just download the book and be able to hear information.  Sure, in the middle of War and Peace we’ll play 50 Cent’s new album.  Four times.  Sure, during Toni Morrison’s new book, we’ll break after every page to play the Killers.  But so what?  At least we’re reading.  Kind of.

Thank you Kindle.  It’s about time.  Now lower your price and start selling them at mall kiosks next to the “new totally hot shoes” at Zara and we’ll buy one.

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  • I like my new Kindle 2 because I can read in public without people thinking i'm a douche bag for reading books on how to market via social media. With a Kindle no one knows what you are reading, but they'll probably guess it is something lame, and they'll probably be right.

  • I like my new Kindle 2 because I can read in public without people thinking i'm a douche bag for reading books on how to market via social media. With a Kindle no one knows what you are reading, but they'll probably guess it is something lame, and they'll probably be right.