Bernie Thinks Recession to Last Until 2010.

Do you know?  Because really? I have no idea.

Do you know? Because really? I have no idea.

Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve Chairman, just mentioned that the “severe” recession will probably last until 2010.  Fears that banks have to be nationalized are scaring the shit out of everyone.  Bernie sounds like he nearly put himself into a coma while explaining what the hell is going on in the economy.  I’ll translate what he said today.

“To break the adverse feedback loop,

To break out of this shithole recession we’re in that’s making you eat Ramen noodles and pickles for dinner six times a week…

“…it is essential that we continue to complement fiscal stimulus with strong government action..”

We’re going to, like, bitch-slap the banks a bit, start yelling at them.  In a really mean voice.  Like, super mean.  Then when eight CEOs are shattered emotionally, we’re going to all feast on their ravaged spirits and also corn niblets.

“..to stabilize financial institutions and financial markets.”

And that’ll fix the economy.  No more Ramen Noodles, people.  You can all go back to incredibly dumb purchases like Chanel bags and three hundred dollar heels that you wear once to a club.

  • ZTHKXBGGZTDQSZB
    These sorts of boots draw close your way with the warranty that after you put them on

  • ZTHKXBGGZTDQSZB
    These sorts of boots draw close your way with the warranty that after you put them on